the Tulips

cw everything

i

Sometimes people walked in to beat me. My blood pooled on the floor. It stained the wood. My limbs were often broken. They healed eventually. Nobody came in to fix them. I just sat there. I deserved it.

The walls were damp. I was cold and alone. Scared, confused. You walked in, scanning the room. A hawk ready to swoop me into your talons. I could barely stand. My legs shook. I was like a table about to collapse. I needed this. I walked up to you. The last bits of my energy exerted. I could not think. I was alone here.

You seemed different. Were you here to hit me? What were you going to do? You scooped me up. I was lying on my back. My paws were in the air. You ran a finger across my stomach. I could feel my own ribs. You could play it like a xylophone. If you wanted to. I was starving. I couldn't cry. You were so warm. I couldn't trust you. I was so hungry. I was so so so hungry.

You sat me down. You got out your bag. You opened it up. There was something hot in there. Something edible. You set it down. There was a bowl. You gestured at it. I had never seen something like it. I had been living on scraps. I felt helpless. I walked up to the bowl. It was warm. I felt guilty. This should not be allowed. But I had no choice. I ate it all. The greens of the lettuce. Against my teeth. The oranges of the carrots. They tasted good. They tasted better than I deserved.

You bent down. Around my neck came a collar. Then a leash. You gave me food. I had to trust you. Anything but here. Anywhere but here.

ii

I hate the walls here. They feel sterile. They feel cold. Not the same cold. Not damp. Just cold. You said something. I couldn't understand. You sat me down. You didn't restrain me. I knew you told me to sit. I trusted you a bit. You gave me food.

The person there was mean. They hurt me with something. They kept poking at me. I tried to hit them with my paws. They did something to me. It kept my paws on the table. The table was cold. I hated how it felt on my fur. They poked me with something. It was cold. It felt like I was being hurt again. It made me sleep.

I woke up. Where am I? I saw you. You were there. You saved me from the person. I trust you. I think. You said something. I felt better a bit. It was like there was less noise. I could think clearer. I was still scared. Why did they inject me with that? Did you do that to me?

The thing we were in stopped. You let me out of the container. You stroked my back. It felt nice. You stroked my head. It also felt nice. You scratched behind my ears. They perked up a bit. I had to trust you. I had no choice but to trust you. If I didn't trust you I would die.

You were so warm.

iii

Time passed. I don't know how much. It was better now. You gave me a nice enclosure. A place to sit down. A place to sleep. The walls weren't cold. There were no walls. I could stick my paws through them. Sometimes they got stuck. You had to push them back through. It hurt a bit. It was okay. This was better.

There was hay on the floor. You would give me leaves. Lettuce. I would chew on them and you would just watch. I didn't know why. Why do you care about me? Why do you keep cleaning up my poop? What are you doing with it? Do you need it for something? I don't want it. You can have it.

The leaves tasted so good. They tasted like something. Spinach? I think that means something. I don't know what spinach is. It tastes good. There was carrots and other things. The carrots were really good. Every time it reminded me. The time you found me. You picked me up.

You kept picking me up. You would scoop me up. Take me out. I would go outside sometimes. It was nice. I would hop around your garden. You would hold something at me. It looked like another eye. You were so nice to me. Why were you so nice to me?

You took care of me. I could trust you. I wouldn't die here. I couldn't die here. I was not going to be hurt. Slowly I realized that. I realized that you weren't going to hit me. You weren't going to force meat into me. You weren't going to shove a dead rat in my face. You were worth it. You knew what I was. I didn't know what I was. I just needed food. I just wanted someone to care.

I would flop by your side sometimes. When you let me out. Those were the nice moments. You would scratch me. You would touch me. I was always so itchy. It was nice. You were so warm. I was always so cold and you were so warm. Thank you. I wish I could say something. I would hop in the air sometimes. I would turn too. You would always make some noise. I never knew what it was.

I loved you.

iv

So why are you pointing that gun at me?