A new year
Yesterday was the end of 2020, which will probably be remembered as The Terrible Year unless 2021 turns out to be worse.
I have been toying with the idea of writing a novel for a while, and stories have been coming to and going away from me without me being able to fix them onto something.
2020 was tough on the World, but it was far from the worst year I've had. In fact, it was objectively a good year. I got a new job I love, I settled nicely into a new country, I moved in with my lovely partner, I got a wonderful cat. Most of all, I worked on creating a routine.
I spent the past 10 years feeling like a flipper ball, moving too fast and hitting my head against all sorts of walls. I can't tell if high-functioning anxiety snuck up on me or if it's been there since I was a teenager, but it's kept me going at this insane, spiralling pace for very long. I used to throw myself in all types of weird, funny or dangerous situations, thinking if it doesn't go well, at least it would make for a good story.
I no longer think that way.
It's what got me to drink too much and dangerously close to a coke addiction. Entertaining people should not be my highest priority, even though it's a resolution I'm still working on. I am, after all, a people pleaser.
It took leaving London, a year off work and regular therapy to get where I am now – to be able to apply for a permanent position (instead of freelancing) without feeling the dread of commitment in my guts. Turns out fear of boredom is, most likely, an addiction to anxiety.
But that's another story. This story is about me writing a novel.
A new resolution
In the past year, I have learnt to appreciate having a routine. Getting used to the pace and environment of a new job has taken up most of my energy, but after eight months I feel like I've settled in and I'm ready to add to that routine.
Writing a novel feels overwhelming, but I have written in short, intense spurs throughout the past year. In fact, I've written over 130k of fanfiction, which has even gotten some positive comments here and there.
The challenges of writing an original story are, obviously, many and different from fanfiction, and I'm not sure where to start. In this journal, I will try and document my progress and perhaps post fragments that will then be used or at least useful for my novel.