Writing journal

Assignment: Your phone (or household appliance) magically comes to life and goes on some sort of adventure. Key aspect: It has a strong and distinct personality.

“I can't fucking believe this.”

The phone laid on the ground, screen down. Its owner had lost it. Lost it! The most important device in their life, and they just... dropped it. Let it slide out their pocket.

“Alex. Alex!” The phone called. But Alex was nowhere to be found, taken as they were with their date.

“Let's go have a picnic! No screen time! Let's live in the moment!” the phone mocked. Regretfully, there was no audience. It quickly looked at its GPS coordinate and figured it was forty-seven minutes away from home. Then, it turned on its camera and to its horror, it saw large black crow picking at its edges.

“Go away! You're going to scratch it!” he seethed, but the bird kept poking at the shiny dome of its lens.

Buzz... buzz...

The phone made itself vibrate and the bird jumped back, surprised but not quite scared. It stepped closer, tilting its black head with curiosity.

“Get out!” The phone yelled, lightening its flash right in the bird's eyes. “Yeah, fly away, you coward! You are no match for me! I am a smart phone.”

Alex was always reading fun facts about corvids and how intelligent they were. It bothered the phone to no end. Why couldn't they be interested in something just a liiittle more relatable, like machine learning? Why couldn't they study Binary instead of German? Oh sure, they were dating that exchange student now!

“Oh no,” the phone whispered to itself when it saw what was coming. “I fucking hate children.”

A little girl, not older than six, grabbed the phone with both hands and started shaking it in the air.

“Stop! Stop, you little demon! You're gonna fuck up my calibration!”

That was a lie, of course. The phone knew its calibration would actually be improved by moving it around. But the child's hand were clammy and left greasy marks on the screen, and the phone absolutely hated having a dirty screen.

“Ouch! Stop! What the hell!” it tried to yell when the little girl started hammering it on the ground. “You're gonna get mud in my porthole! How am I supposed to charge?”

“Lily! Lily, what do you have there?” a voice called.

“Oh, thank God, an adult...” the phone thought, relieved. The girl handed to phone to a woman, probably the mother.

“Thank you so much, madam, now if you would be so kind-” the phone said, but all the woman could feel was a faint vibration, so she turned the phone in her hand to understand why on Earth the device was buzzing for no reason.

Then, the phone screen lit up. Incoming call.

“Not that exchange student again...” the phone sighed, but when the woman picked up, Alex was on the other end. The phone was ready to give them a piece of its mind and was already considering leaking their nudes in revenge, but when it heard Alex's voice, and how distraught they were, it softened right away. They did care, after all!

Once the call was over, the woman unceremoniously dropped the phone in her purse. The screen ended up pressed against a lipstick, and the phone thanked the Supreme Operative System that Alex had put a protective film on it. It could already feel some loose crumbs sneaking up its headphone jack and prayed they wouldn't clog it.

It took nine minutes and forty-three second for Alex to show up again. They were breathless, and the phone processor melted a little at the thought they had run back to find it.

“Thank you so much!” it heard Alex say, “I don't know what Ii would have done if I had lost it!”

The phone decided changing the pin code out of spite was unnecessary.