Great big rotund hairy fellow make his way through my chimney dressed all in red like a Royal marine or a Karl Marx. I’ll tell you what you do: you open fire, you hear? Not in my house. Not in America. You let that man in he drink your milk eat your cookie splooge his refrigerated Arctic jizm all into your socks so nasty… What’s he need a tree for? Be the stronger baboon. I mainlined about 40 mg of that new stuff on Main Street when the storms came supposed to make you feel divine indifference absolve you of your human guilt make you free. Well I’ll tell you: it freed up my digestive system and by the time I got out of the bathroom I vomit so much I worry if the things coming up aren’t my internal organs cooking in digestive juices… Myalgia so fierce a single muscle fibre in tension felt absolute agony. Only my training in Tai chi save me. Friend of mine once let a Peruvian giant centipede bite him on the prick as a sex thing scream in pain all through the night pissing hurt so much afterward he had to have a doctor install a bypass… “At least I came.” Of course the fuzz find me presently and beat me up and dump me in the pit… No jail anymore figure they can save the city some money achieve the same degree of needless brutality and dehumanisation by storing refuse and undesirable elements in the same open‐air ecosystem a well of food half or fully eaten all imaginable fluids bodily or otherwise biggest rats you ever saw swear to Golly Gee once saw two of them rummaging for magazines with unsolved crosswords. They say at the Church drinking piss makes you smarter see get you the brain chemistry without having to go the trouble of secrete it yourself… Siberian shamans eat fly agaric mushroom rest of the congregation drink their piss… Active ingredient survive passage through kidneys not appreciably weakened but screened for toxins by shamanistic liver the shaman obviously much more capable of tolerating the aftereffects on their organism physical and mental… So they get a bunch of computer programmers to come over and piss for them. “Blood of Christ… never mind the colour, this is just the plasma.” So a week in none of them feel appreciably smarter and upon investigation it become rapidly apparent these programmers don’t appear to know mouth from ass. “You utter clod, you confuse success in job market dominated by old‐boy networks for skill in technical tasks and skill in technical tasks for intelligence broadly construed.” The priest know just what to do: “Darling congregants, these men be the spawn of Old Dickens himself deceive us to deny us the Sacrament and the Grace of our souls… for the sake of eternal life, get ‘um!” Entire congregation fall upon them like piranha upon the anecdotal horse tear them apart fast enough for priest yet to have time to finish the sermon… Always be the stronger baboon. So this red‐clad fella he come into your house he leave ‘presents’ for you probably fuck your wife or your neighbour while at it show dirty tricks to your dog to make it misbehave lose all respect for you… Never trust a man in uniform it is a sign the soul has departed and gone to hell just like Dante say. You have to shoot them when you’re able and skidoo otherwise.
I really do hate Christmas.