Well, I haven't posted here in over a month. So it's good know I bring the same dedication to creating original content here as I did on Tumblr.
And that month has been a MONTH, ya know?
I'm glad things are finally settling in, and the rhythms of the new year are starting to show. Don't get me wrong, for as crazy as the last month was, it was generally a very good month. But after a while it gets hard for me when each day is completely different in structure and schedule than the one before it. And being human, it's so much easier to dwell the stressful and hectic than the meaningful and restorative.
Nothing fucks with a schedule like the holidays, but it wasn't just the holidays. I took on my first copy editing freelance gig. I upped the dosage on my medication. I had an intense job interview that required preparation.
The end of the year really did feel like a time of change. The calendar was turning over, and it was time for me to do the same. I thought a lot about how I wanted the new year to be, but first I had to get there. And sometimes the waiting is the hardest part.
I grew pretty restless. Literally and figuratively. The first two weeks of higher medication dosage really screwed with my sleep. I wasn't falling asleep until 3 or 4am, and then getting up at 7 or 8. And yet I felt fine. Well, not fine. I felt like a stimulant was keeping my brain awake 20 hours of the day. But at least I wasn't sleepy?
For most of the month, the weather wasn't helping. Up until about a week ago, it felt like we were stuck in an extended autumn. I love autumn, but what I love about autumn are the moving parts. The weather cooling, the leaves changing, the days growing shorter. It felt like autumn came, did its thing and was ready to clock out, but winter never showed up to relieve her. For most of December it was just cold, gray, and dead. Being Colorado, there was also the occasional unseasonably warm day thrown in there. But a 70 degree day surrounded by bare trees and brown grass isn't just unseasonable, it's unsettling.
The holidays were very good. I completed my copy editing project ahead of schedule. I eventually got some sleep. I still don't know if I got the job, but I did get a second interview.
In the first week or so of the new year, my restless, anxious energy was beginning to congeal into something more robust and sustainable. The world was making a little more sense, and fitting into the spaces I wanted it to.
And then my cat injured his ACL.
I didn't even know cats had ACLs. But if someone in this house was going to get a sports injury, it sure as hell wasn't going to be me. We don't know how he did it. He just showed up in the kitchen one night with a BAD limp. So we packed him up and took him to our vet (which thankfully is three blocks away and open 24 hours).
They determined that he had done something to the ACL in his back left leg. They couldn't tell if he had torn it or just aggravated it. The only way to know for sure was x-rays. But first, they recommended a week of no jumping or climbing stairs and a course of anti-inflammatories. Then, if there wasn't significant improvement, we'd take him back for x-rays.
Tycho (the cat in question) lives his life spread out over three floors. This meant he had to be sequestered, ideally with someone who could intercept any attempts to jump or climb on anything and generally keep an eye on him. Since I work from home – and since his food, water and litter are in my room already – the role of nursemaid fell to me. I didn't mind at all. I was worried about him, and having him in the same room as me all day every day made it easier to monitor his progress and hopefully assuage my apprehension.
It also turned me into the world's lightest sleeper, as any noise overnight might be Tycho needing me. Of course, the vast majority of noises each night were not Tycho. But the fragile peace I had just made with sleep was now shattered. Sigh.
Tycho didn't actually need much attention from me. He took to his isolation pretty well. That was worrying for a while. He was very low energy the first few days. I mean, he's a cat, so even at perfect health, his energy is usually channeled only into moving from one nap spot to another, but this was different. He curled up in my TV chair and didn't move all day, except for food and bathroom time, and even that was much less than usual. It took until Friday before he was interested in going on his 'rounds' in my room. He'll inspect my bookshelves, poke at Joy-Cons, sniff my laundry, attack my shoelaces, push things off my desk. Normal cat duties.
Yesterday was his first day had access to the whole house again. He didn't even notice until lunch time. But today he was back to most of his old routines. He still has a bit of a limp. It's clear that his leg is still causing some discomfort. He can't sit like a loaf very long without having to flop his hips over and stick his back legs out. We're still monitoring him, and probably will be bringing him in for a follow up soon. But he does feel like Tycho again.
Yet again, I feel like things are starting to settle down, like I might get a chance to see what 2019 is “really” going to be like. But the truth is, it will probably continue to be exactly like it already is. Exactly like 2018 was. The real question is: what will *I be like?
“Time changes everything? That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.”
– House (S03E12, “One Day, One Room”)
Current Music: None, but I have the horse riding song from Breath of the Wild stuck in my head