The pain is still here. It doesn't consume me much, but it is still here. It twists my heart like pretzels.
Losing someone you love who did not give you any respect at the end of the relationship makes me want to lose hope in humanity.
I won't be like him.
All this pain has to end, and I will be better.
I know that the truth will eventually leads the way.
When table turns, I will have my toast.
As I wrote about boundaries, I took action last night to end things with someone I love.
He didn't seem to care at all.
It hurts, but it's better to be alone than be with someone whom you have to fight for everyday.
Relationship is hard work, but it doesn't have to be struggle all the time over the same things.
I felt treated like shit, but I am better than that.
I wish him luck.
And I'll be stronger than my emotions.
I will do my best to grow on my own.
I have felt more like being a pawn than the chess player lately. I miss the old me. The one who takes the initiative, and if nobody is yet on my side, I just keep going.
Now, I let others decide for me. I absorb their opinions as if they will make my future bright. I simply stopped being me.
It is wonderful though that I have observed that I am lacking proper boundaries.
I need to secure them starting today and not to be scared of walking away from what doesn't serve me.
A Few Things to Set and Follow
Thus, if I have to go to work, I will go to work and any request from anyone shall not be entertained.
If I can't do something, I will be honest about it no matter what. Leading people on is too much of a pressure.
If I am sleepy, I will go to sleep as a respect to my body.
If something is not okay with me, I will speak my mind. If it can't be fixed, I will let it go.
Letting go might be the hardest thing to do, but if it costs me my peace of mind, do I have another option?
Starting today, I will follow these boundaries. No more guilt emotion.
I'm laying down as I'm writing this, and I'm thinking why I can't sleep. I still have to go to work at 8 pm...although, I only have two days remaining from my 30-day rendering at my job.
I quit my job, so I can go somewhere I want. I am scared nonetheless. I'm going somewhere that's far from home and a place where culture is way different.
Hello? Will I just be fine?
Things I have to remember:
- Drink only from my bottle
- Trust my gut instinct
- Read books or write when feeling down or alone
- Breathe when in doubt or when stressed out
- Don't forget to communicate with family and friends
And there I go to the unknown future.
Now, I need to get some rest..and there's one thing that bothers me. I hope it will finally be fixed, or I hope I'll be just fine without it.