Lesbian vaginal sex infodump

Lately the bottoms I've had the privilege bedding all have described my fingers with the word “magic”, so I figured I must be doing something right, and decided I might as well write down what I've learned from a lifetime of chasing skirt. My experience, while like, considerable, is of course not universal; bodies work differently, there’s no fixed sex manual, et cetera usw. All of the following applies alike to cis women, trans women with neovag, enbies, and transmasc folk with hole, with little difference—neovag tends to need more care for girth and depth of penetration, and androgenic HRT tends to yield plump, sensitive clitorises; that's about it. Some people easily get super wet, others barely even moist, some people prefer this or that type of stimulation, some orgasm, some don't; but in my experience these traits have much more variation within the genders than between them.

An image of a handful of white lilies in black-white with subtle sepia tones, blurry in unusual ways and marked by dotted noise patterns and white dots and various imperfections. The flowers are long and tube-shaped, opened to various degress. Daguerreotype: Arai Takashi, “Ōsaka-yuri 2,” 2008.

Content notes for this piece: Explicit discussion of sex; historical lesbian art, some of it graphic; BDSM mentions.

When I think of folk I've been with who were equipped with a vagina, almost all can be clearly classified into two general types: the clitoris-oriented, and the penetration-oriented. Those who primarily like clitoral stimulation usually also like penetration but are kinda meh about it, and won't, like, chase it on their own initiative. And vice-versa for penetration enjoyers.

A clitoris-oriented bottom likely will enjoy oral sex a lot, as well as clit toys (vibrators, suction devices, pain tools if they're a masochist). When doing penetration, it always pays off to find ways to simultaneously stimulate the clit. If you're doing PIV, for example, you can “ride them high”—lie on top of them to fuck face-to-face, pushing your body up so that your cock or strap-on is pressed from the inside towards their belly button, and move your body in such a way that your abs rub against their clit. You can also use rabbit-type cock sleeves, hold a vibrator between you etc. If doing fingerfucking, you can tongue the clit at the same time you penetrate them, or do a pinch grip with fingers going inside and thumb hitting the clit (keep thumb well lubed; if their vag gets wet, adding your saliva is enough).

Bottoms are often subby, and a clit-oriented bottom may see penetration as a thing they do for you, an offering of their body. Depending on their kinks, this may matter for them more than physically getting off from clit rubbing. If you get one of these, I advise you to seek the level of intimacy and trust where you can really let go of the need to make them feel pleasure, where you can black out from all sense and reason and just pound the hole in whichever way makes you get off the most; that ends up being a superb experience for them too.

A penetration-oriented bottom, by contrast, actively craves a hard fuck. They generally want it intense, vigorous, and long-lasting. But you can't just shove it in either, their lust needs to be switched on first. I mean I've been with girls who like, needed to be bred unceremoniously anywhere, in a corner of an empty lot or their home building's stairwell or at a dark corridor at the university; you pull down her panties wherever, and she's instantly ready and eager to take it. This is because they get off on those situations, as a kink. But in most cases, penetrative libido arrives slowly, and it's best to turn on the heat gradually, playing with their body without hurry, until they're coiling and twisting and begging for it. The longer you edge them the better it feels when you finally fuck them.

People who like to be pounded often divide into a few subtypes:

Be aware that many of these activities aren't for everyone. Most women I've been with find cervix pounding downright unpleasant, except the ones that crave it the way a drowning body craves oxygen. Some folk find G-spot stimulation a disagreeable peeing pressure, not desirable at all. There's no secret here; ask how it usually works for them, experiment with touch, observe, learn the language of their body.

Lesbian erotica from the eighties, showing a butch with a bleach buzz cut curving over a femme dyke who's lying on their lap. The butch is wearing combat boots and pants; the femme wears nothing but boots. The femme arches her back as the butch holds her, one hand under her lower back, another under her neck, and kisses her neck. Photo: Jessica Tanzer's “Bear and Aphra”, for the magazine “On Our Backs”, 1989.

For every type of bottom mentioned so far, once you find that one thing that hits the spot, they'll be wanting a lot of it. Like a lot a lot. Be prepared to do it until your hands hurt, until your arms ache with spasms and cramps, until your jaws are so tired you can't speak. Then keep going anyway. Take short breaks when you need it, snuggle them a bit, then continue. These long sessions of lesbian intimacy, weaving in and out of sex, with no clear boundary between fucking and cuddling, each aftercare snuggle doubling as foreplay for next round, lasting four, five, six hours nonstop are the best thing in the world in my opinion… Be ambidextrous, when one hand can't go on switch with the other. Or when one hand is tired, try holding its wrist with the other hand and keep pounding it as you would a toy (this also allows to increase the intensity, so instead of feeling the stimulus weakening when you tire, they'll gasp with the new wave of pleasure). When tonguing, try various different movements—circular, lateral, vertical; at varied spots; with and without suction; with hard suction—and once you find something that makes them spasm with pleasure, do a lot of that thing, for a very long time.

Keep every fingernail of both hands trimmed as short as possible. (“Oh no but she's straight, I'm just visiting my friend”—trim those nails first. “It's a company party, it's not like my coworkers would—” trim your nails. “He's not into it actually, we do shibari nonsexually”—trim those nails before the shibari. “Ew no it's a political protest not a hookup spot, it would be #problematic of me to flirt, these are just comrades”—trim. those. goddamn. fucking. nails before you put one fucking foot outside your house. Trust me on this one.)

If your bottom is both able to orgasm and needing to come, then your forearms will cramp like mad and your jaw will get unbearably painful right when they're about to climax. This is a law of physics. Keep going anyway. Ramp it up.

The key is to enjoy fucking them. If you actively get off doing their holes, you'll never get bored no matter how many thousand times you repeat the exact same movement. In other words: be a top +.★(UωU ).*o☆

You can increase the speed of stimulation gradually over time, but—don't rush to this. Too much speed easily gets unpleasant. Marathon not sprint, et cetera.

A further word on orgasms: Not everyone orgasms. Among people who do, not everyone wants to orgasm. Even if they do, they may prefer for it to be pushed off for as long as possible. Some people can masturbate themselves to orgasm, but never come when stimulated by others. And some would, in fact, prefer if you make them come hard before you're done for the night. You have to talk about this, and ask how it works for them. I advise always looking beyond orgasm-oriented sex, as it opens new, wide and spacious vistas. People with vaginas who can orgasm usually do it through clitoral stimulation; a few can orgasm from penetration but that's not very common at all. Magic wands often (not always!) can induce orgasm; some bottoms actively dislike this about wands, it's too much too strong then over too fast.

(Always get the cable-powered magic wands. In my experience girldick tends to take better to the Hitachi/Europe Magic Wand (greater head travel), while factory-installed clitoris tends to do better with the Doxy (greater speed of vibration). I don't have enough data on neovag to observe a preference trend. Fundraise an Europe MW for us, and I'll report what my girls say about the Europe MW vs. my trusty ol' Doxy-sempai.)

A classical Japanese woodblock print. It's an explicit scene of two naked women having sex, in between richly textured bedcovers. One wears a huge dildo strapped to a waist belt; the other is grabbing and pulling the dildo. The top is delicately holding a tin of lubricant. Their dialogue is traced in cursive hentaigana above their heads. Woodblock: “Fumi-no-kiyogaki”, by Chōkyōsai Eiri (1801). The top is saying: “Seeing as we’re going to do it like this, I’ll put lots of the cream on it. So really make yourself come. Without the cream this big one would not go in.”

The last subtype is size queens. These will not reach a truly transcendental experience with soft girlcock. Probably not with hard mancock either, for that matter. To top one of these we don't just want length; we want, crucially, girth. With fingers, you'll be working towards fisting; with straps, towards dilating onto thicker and thicker dildos, until they're scarily massive. Size queens function much like masochists, they're tough as nails and proud of the extremes they can get to, and enjoy the process of always pushing those boundaries further. Your role is to be the pusher, to find a pace that's neither boring nor unbearable .

I can't write a full guide to fisting here, but there's a ton of info online. The key is to study it well, then take it easy. Go slow, enjoy the process. If both of you end every session thinking you could have gone further that's great, it means you have a reason to meet up again. Get familiar with fisting lube (it's basically lube by the buckets; you'll need all of them buckets). Learn about safety. Imagine the worst happened and you do serious damage, assume there's heavy bleeding, panic etc.: what would you do next? Study and prepare for the worst possible accident before it happens, then do the work so it doesn't happen.

Almost everything you learn from fisting guides will also apply for dilating onto bigger dildos. Learn also about anal sex if you haven't; at big sizes a lot of it is similar, how to keep it pleasurable even when constantly pushing the limits. Keep adding lube and keep working with their psychology; at challenging levels of penetration, it all rides on their internal relaxation, their comfort and trust, their welcoming of you.

(As an example of what this can look like, a thing I've done a few times to cuddly bottoms during genital penetration, when they have trouble with my girth, goes like this: I will start with a finger, then two, maybe a lubed three, then just tease with the tip of my cock, and all the while I'm cajoling them in a sweet syrupy voice, “oh this feels so good, you feel so good, dang look at this juicy bod, you're making me so happy right now, you're great at this, you know?...” then as I push just the tiniest bit in, I started getting more suggestive like, “you're doing so good, you can take more, right? for me?, yes that's it, relax, I know you can do it, I won't hurt you don't worry, let me, you can stop at any time, just let me in, it will feel so good to be all the way in, yes relax and let me”... then when I feel like they're ready for it, I switch brusquely into a low dommy voice, clear imperative in command: “Let me”. At this their canal instantly relaxes and opens itself for my cock like a flower to the morning sun. This gets me off like, so much.)

An ancient painting, probably Persian, of two women having sex in a luxurious setting. The bottom is femme, and is wearing rich, sensual clothes while leaving her breasts and vulva fully exposed. She holds her legs up for penetration, reclining against some pillows. The top is dressed in a more masculine way, with shaved forehead, but also exposing her breasts with the same type of lingerie. She's pulling the string of a bow with both hands, lodging the bow against her feet. Instead of an arrow, the bow is loaded with a dildo, about to be shot point blank into the bottom's exposed vulva. The bottom seems pretty eager to try this out. Painting: Believed to be from the Puruṣāyita (“virile behaviour in women”) chapter of a Persian translation of the Indian Kokaśāstra (11th century). The Persian manuscript is lost at the Bibliothèque nationale de France since 1984. The butchy top with the bow-dildo in the painting is believed to be a female harem bodyguard, said in the Kāma Sūtra to practice puruṣāyita; the bow was their prescribed weapon. Puruṣāyita in the Sanskrit originals clearly refers to the use of dildos between women, but English (male) translators often render it as a woman heterosexually riding a man. Source: Penrose, “Postcolonial Amazons”.

Do keep in mind that this entire guide is just like, generalisations from experience that I use as rough roadmaps when getting to know a new partner. There's infinite individual variation. Maybe someone loves a deep fuck but hates penetrative toys of any kind, or thrives on a clitoral suction device at the same time as being fucked, and so on. I've been with masochists who hate being spanked with something inside them, and others who can only really enjoy penetration with that extra spice. You always need to stay open and curious, to talk, experiment, observe.