Goodbye Letter to a departed SLOWLY pen pal
They left, sending me a note in their final letter
Inspired by a new topic posted on our subReddit for the SLOWLY app, I commented and ended up thinking this could be a nice Blog post too – the situation is so common, most of us in the pen pal communities can relate to.
So here it is, an extract of the on-going conversations there, plus my full 'Goodbye letter' to a cherished pen pal, who deactivated their account unexpectedly.
Am I removed by my pen pal?
New topic by lumlum619 on Reddit : Am I removed by my pen pal?
I have a pen pal who normally opened letters I sent immediately. The last letter he opened in early September but did not reply. Then I sent a follow up letter to him 2 weeks ago but the letter is unread.
Should I suppose he has removed me? I would rather he opened the letter but just not reply. It happened all of a sudden. Though we have exchanged email address as back up communication channel, but I don't think I should send him an email under this situation as he seems removed me and does not want to contact me anymore.
It is a bad experience indeed as we have exchanged letter around 10 months but I know I must move on.
And my response:
It's impossible to know for sure, but it seems likely they removed you from their active pen pals list.
For whichever reason, sometimes time pressures, work or family matters. Or even mental health issues pressing and them needing time off, it happens.
Not much we can do; I have been in a very similar situation, a very close pen pal, one year going and hundreds of letters shared.
The last one included some paragraphs, in the middle of a normal letter, stating they were deactivating their account – and that was done when their letter reached me.
Breaking up is difficult
Like you, I had an email and a VK account as secondary channels, but it took me a month to be in a good state and able to send a goodbye email in response.
I hope this helps, the pain is real and shared by many of us who built close relationships this way. Save their folder, maybe Hide them – and if there's ever a reply, it will show up in your active pen pals again, while being out of view on a daily basis.
I keep various old friends in my active list, even if they deactivated in some cases. If we had a memorable connection and much correspondence, I feel it's disheartening to Remove, discard all those letters.
So, they remain.
Good luck to you, friend. May the light shine in your path. ✨🌟😥
Lumlum responded and asked:
Thank you very much for your sharing yann2. Did you send goodbye letter to your pen pal finally?
I think I need to have great courage to send the goodbye letter to him by email. Seems that I am very pushy and have a desperate desire to contact him. Yes, It is really a pity our communications will end like this.
Yes, I did send the email, a month after their departure.
Got a reply back a few weeks later, and we touched basis a couple of times, but our roads are now going in different directions (they had just started University at the time, so it made sense, the work load is a concern for any serious student).
I am thankful to you for the inspiration – as I decided to dig out the email I sent and publish it as a Blog page. Thank you, /u/lumlum619 !
I will quote and link back here to your OP, so people can read, maybe even join us and post a comment, reply. Cheers!
And I will start by sharing the goodbye paragraphs in their letter.
My departed friend's last SLOWLY letter
Contained this – a partial quote, it's quite touching and beautiful.
Actually, I need to tell you something. I'm sorry to say, but writing letters keeps draining me down. I think I'll give up on that after all. It's been almost a year of writing letters here, and writing letters to you – but I feel more and more that it's a chore rather than a pastime.
This letter must be quite disappointing, especially after such a long time. I've really been trying to make myself stay, but it doesn't seem to work for me.
I'm really grateful to have met you. Thanks for always being there for me. Again, I'm so sorry that my personal issues are having such an impact.
With all my love and gratitude, J.
And my later e-mail letter follows
Hello J.,
Hope all is well with you and the family. There's so much going on, and it's scary how the news portrays the situation in the World these days.
I was thinking about you, and other good friends that no longer are active in Slowly; we just had the International Day of Friendship on July 30th, which gave us a very pretty special day free stamp.
I looked at your profile in Slowly occasionally, and hope you are doing well these days. I had been off the app and fallen back on many letter replies since I had been quite busy with my Tech blog and the other communities I am involved in. But like all phases, that also passed.
All things must pass
Then came a quiet phase, when I felt like reading quietly, not posting or writing much; and soon another one when I started frequenting the Slowly app subforum on Reddit, I think you probably know about that?
I have been quite active there since early May, and from about 2 weeks ago I became a local Moderator for it too. The community is here :
https://www.reddit.com/r/SLOWLYapp/
Losing one's penpals is common
Many users in the forum mentioned people leaving the app, and sometimes de-activating all together, which kills their account, effectively. And that happened to me too, I just mentioned that to another friend I sent a letter too, who is also not that active or present any longer:
This happened to me too, a long time penpal, young J. from Russia, sent one last letter and on it included a paragraph explaining she had decided to do that.
I do have her email but until now haven't written; i understand, but it's a sad loss.
And at this time when we commemorate the international Day of Friendship, I thought of sending you an email. Thank you for the gentleness of the letter to say goodbye, a nice gesture which was appreciated. Some, many people even, don't bother and simpy ghost their pen pals, which is really sad and rude.
International Day of Friendship submission
I wrote a nice story about another favourite pen pal, and posted it on Instagram, later on my blog also. I thought it was good option – while also considering writing about you.
The idea of telling J.'s story with a sad ending didn't feel so appropriate to a day of celebrating friendships. Better to focus on a more positive story. 😕😥
And it is here : Liz, a pen pal story – International Friendship (Blog version) and it is also on Slowly Stories.
I thought of writing to you and touching base. Hope you don't mind, maybe you will enjoy it?
Hope you are well, J. I have all of our letters and sometimes I will read some. We had a beautiful time, thank you.
Sincerely as always,
Yann2.
Famous Last Words
Banner image is a photo by Will O on Unsplash, with thanks.
Special thank you to all the folks behind the SLOWLY app.
Letters we share, with pen pals all over the world. A modern day take in the traditional penpal experience. Come and join us, using SLOWLY.
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