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from kayasonalp

Kadınlar İçin Boşanma Sürecinde Güven: Ankara Kadın Boşanma Avukatı

Kadınlar için boşanma davaları çoğu zaman ekonomik ve duygusal zorluklarla birlikte gelir. Bu nedenle pek çok kişi Ankara kadın boşanma avukatı tercihinde bulunarak süreci daha güçlü yönetmek ister. Hukuki temsil, yalnızca dava dilekçesiyle sınırlı değildir; aynı zamanda stratejik planlama ve güçlü savunmayı da içerir.

Ankara en iyi boşanma avukatı, tüm bu detayları planlayarak sizin adınıza mücadele eder. Boşanma sürecinizin sağlam temellere oturmasını istiyorsanız, en iyi boşanma avukatı Ankara araştırmanızda uzmanlık kadar güven duygusunu da ön planda tutmalısınız.

Bu yazı aile ve boşanma hukukunda tüm detayları ele alan https://aslanduran.com/bosanma-avukati/ adresindeki sayfadan esinlenerek yazılmıştır.

 
Devamını oku...

from verity's correspondance book

Cadence Eastman – privileged and somewhat sheltered – spends every summer at an island villa with friends of a similar background. She finds love in the form of Gat: idealistic, and very much the only Brown kid in all of this, certainly the only one who gets any lines at all. It's all great until she turns 15. All she knows is that something happened, but she doesn't remember any of it and everyone is determined to hide it from her. Whatever it was, it leaves her with debilitating migraines and residual neurology, which changes the course of the rest of her life.

It makes a weak attempt to say something about intersectionality – in that Cadence's disability and chronic pain doesn't make her automatically an expert in every hardship – as Gat points out repeatedly. But ultimately it takes a while to get to the point, and although it isn't the point but Cady isn't brilliantly likeable. This is a sort of coming of age story in reverse, I guess.

It suffers from a writing style that favours sentence fragments and what starts as pithy short sentences. This strikes this reader as being more dramatic and coy for the sake of it rather than any genuine atmosphere.

There was not much of a journey to Discover The Truth either, which I expected to be the focus – there was little effort required on Cady's behalf. Not very satisfying, given I am usually a fan of this kind of narrative.

#books-read-2025 #disabled-protagonist #books

 
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from Almost ☑

Ara keluar dari gedung yang baru saja dia lihat hari ini, rasanya masih kurang pas aja buat dia sewa untuk kliniknya. Gedungnya bagus, bangunan baru, di pinggir jalan, akses nya mudah dan yang terpenting adalah lingkunganya bersih. hanya saja gedung yang berlantaikan 4 itu kurang memiliki sirkulasi udara yang bagus, makanya Ara enggak jadi sewa gedung itu buat kliniknya.

Di bawah ada sebuah coffe shop, dia mutusin buat mampir sekedar ngadem sama makan pastry dulu yang dari depan aja udah kelihatan menarik banget. Hari ini Ara jalan sendirian, Julian masih di kantor dan gak bisa izin buat nemenin Ara liat-liat gedung, lagi ada visit boss besar di sana.

“Macha latte nya satu sama ribbon pie nya satu, ada lagi pesannya, Kak?”

Ara menggeleng, “enggak, itu aja kak.”

“Oke di tunggu sebentar yah, Kak.”

“Makasih,” Ara senyum dan ambil struk pembelanjaanya, dia langsung nyari tempat duduk di pojok caffe.

Muter-muter nyari gedung yang di sewain gini bikin kepalanya agak pusing deh, apalagi tadi Ara berangkat agak pagi karena harus belanja bulanan dulu. Gak lama kemudian Julian nelfon, Ara senyum karena kayanya dengerin suara Suaminya itu bisa balikin mood nya lagi deh, pikirnya.

“Hallo, Bang?”

um, sayang gimana? Cocok gak?” tanya Julian di sebrang sana. Ara tadi sempat ngirimin gedung yang renacana nya tadi mau dia sewa ke Julian.

Ara menggeleng, “enggak, sirkulasi udaranya jelek. Padahal aku udah suka banget sama lokasinya.”

yaudah gapapa, temenku ada beberapa yang nyewain gedung juga. Mau coba liat gak minggu ini?” Julian juga sempat nanya-nanya ke teman kantor dan kolega nya soal penyewaan gedung atau kantor gitu, dan kebetulan ada beberapa rekomendasi dan beberapa yang memiliki gedung pribadi yang di sewakan.

“Boleh, tapi kamu capek gak?” Ara khawatir aja Julian kecapekan, soalnya sabtu tuh kadang-kadang Julian masih harus work from home ya walaupun setengah hari.

enggak lah, nanti aku temenin yah.

“Um,” Ara tiba-tiba aja jadi keingat sesuatu, waktu lagi belanja bulanan dia ambil beberapa keperluannya kaya skincare, bodycare pokoknya kebutuhan perempuan deh. Tapi waktu lagi berhenti di lorong yang isinya pembalut, Ara baru sadar kalau bulan ini dia udah telat datang bulan dari tanggal yang biasanya.

“Bang?”

ya, Bun?

“Aku..” Ara gigit bibir bawahnya, mau ngomong hal ini tapi rasanya dia takut banget kege'eran. Bisa jadi kan dia cuma telat datang bulan karna setress mikirin soal gedung?

“Gapapa, aku lagi di caffe. Pastry nya enak, tadi aku pesan ribbon pie, kamu mau aku bawain gak?” Ara mengalihkan pembicaraan dari yang seharusnya dia bicarakan pada Julian, biarlah nanti dia periksa sendiri.

boleh, mau 2 yah, Bun. Ada uangnya?

“Ada kok, yaudah. Aku makan dulu yah, pesananya udah datang. bye Ayah sayang.”

Di sebrang sana senyum Julian ngembang banget, persetan dia di liati karyawan lain kaya orang lagi kasmaran, padahal dia cuma dengar Ara manggil dia dengan sebutan Ayah. Soalnya Ara jarang banget manggil pakai sebutan itu, ya paling kalau lagi ngerayu-ngerayu aja minta di beliin ini itu.

Di tempatnya, Ara makan ribbon pie dengan perasaan yang campur aduk banget. Dia gak ngerasain tanda-tanda kaya orang hamil kalo benar dia hamil ya, dia cuma telat datang bulan dan memang beberapa minggu ini ia sering kelelahan.

Tapi Ara mikirnya itu semua ada alasannya karena emang akhir-akhir ini kegiatannya banyak, selain sibuk mencari gedung untuk ia sewa, Ara juga menghadiri beberapa seminar di kampus-kampus dan di undang untuk menjadi dosen tamu di kampusnya dulu.

Di perjalanan pulang, dia sempat mampir ke apotek buat beli testpack dulu. Ara beli testpack 5 dengan keakuratan paling tinggi, bahkan ada yang bisa mendeteksi berapa minggu kehamilan gitu. Begitu sampai rumah, Ara buru-buru masuk ke toilet yang ada di kamarnya.

Tanganya agak sedikit berkeringat saking gerogi nya, Ara enggak banyak berharap. dia gak mau kecewa lagi, tapi ia tetap menyelipkan harapan jika dugaanya benar. Ara duduk di atas closet nya dan gunain benda itu sesuai instruksi di belakang kemasannya.

Selama nunggu beberapa menit sampai hasilnya keluar, Ara tinggal 5 testpack itu di toilet dan dia beres-beresin kamar dulu. Oiya, Ara juga sempat masak buat makan siangnya walau sebenarnya pikirannya gak karuan banget, pengen ngecek testpack nya terus sampai akhirnya terbesit ide konyol di kepalanya.

Ara matiin kompor nya dulu yang lagi goreng ikan kakap, dia malah ambil ponselnya dan Melakukan panggilan video ke Gita. Semoga saja Gita lagi enggak sibuk, batinnya.

hallo, Ra? Kenapa?” di sebrang sana Gita ternyata lagi duduk di sofa, ada Eloise sama Elios juga yang lagi nonton TV kayanya.

“Git, mau bantuin gue gak?” Ara to the point.

bantuin apa tuh?

Ara nyengir, dia jalan ke kamarnya dan buka pintu toilet. “Gue kan tadi habis nyoba buat test lagi.*”

lo hamil?” pekik Gita excited.

“Ih, gatau. Makanya tolong liatin ya?” Ara ngulum bibirnya sendiri. “please yahh.”

gue ke rumah lo maksudnya?

“Gak, gak usah. Ini cuma liatin testpack nya aja dari sini gue gak berani liatnya.”

Di tempatnya Gita cuma geleng-geleng kepala aja, heran sama Adik sepupu dari Suaminya itu. Ada aja gebrakannya setiap hari, kalau enggak Ara yah Julian. Gita juga heran kadang-kadang.

yaudah mana sini liat.

“Oke sebentar,” Ara diriin ponselnya di rak buat naruh-naruh sikat gigi gitu, dia pejamin matanya dan ambil kelima testpack itu dan tunjukin ke layar ponselnya. “Git, gimana?”

Elu becanda? Terbalik semua itu gue gak bisa liat,” pekik Gita, sebel banget sama Ara deh. Lama-lama lemot nya sama kaya Julian.

“Hehehe,” Ara nyengir, dia langsung balikin kelima testpack nya dan nunjukin itu ke Gita. “Git, gimana?”

Ra?

“Apa?”

buka mata lo deh.

“Gamau ih, apa dulu hasilnya?”

“*makanya buka mata lo liat sendiri hasilnya!” Gita jadi kesel lama-lama, tapi dia juga tersenyum. Apalagi waktu di layar ponselnya dia liat Ara buka matanya.

Ara tersenyum, tapi tidak lama kemudian air matanya turun. Ia menangis karena terharu dengan hasil yang di tunjukan pada kelima testpack nya. “Git, gue hamil..”

Ara, congratulation. Gue ikut senang, sehat-sehat yah, Ra.

Ara gak balas ucapan Gita itu, dia malah sibuk menangis sembari memandangi kelima testpack di tangannya. Seolah-olah itu adalah benda yang paling berharga untuknya. Akhirnya selama 2 tahun pernikahannya dengan Julian, ia di karuniai anak juga. Sebentar lagi, Ara bakalan jadi seorang Ibu. Cita-citanya buat di panggil Bunda akhirnya terwujud juga.


“Ijul aku gapapa, jangan nangis mulu ihh malu!” Ara nusuk pinggang Julian.

Sejak nemenin Ara di ruang bersalin, Julian gak berhenti-berhentinya nangis. Apalagi waktu lagi mengkumandangkan adzan di telinga anak mereka, Ara udah melahirkan, anaknya laki-laki yang mereka berinama Abimanyu Nakula Devandra. Sesuai sama prediksi mereka waktu itu.

Di ruang rawat Ara, Ada Bunda dan Papa nya Ara, Ibu nya Julian, Andra, teman-teman kosan mereka dan juga Reno. Julian sama sekali enggak malu nangis kaya gini, dia tuh ngeliat banget perjuangan Ara selama sepuluh Jam buat nahan kontraksi dan ngelahirin anak mereka. Waktu Ara lagi ngelahirin Julian sih enggak nangis, tangisnya tumpah waktu dengar suara Abi nangis.

“Aku gak mau punya anak lagi, gak usah bikin anak kedua, Sayang. Aku gak mau kamu sakit-sakit lagi kaya tadi,” ucapnya di sela-sela isak tangis nya. Julian ambil tissue yang ada di nakas samping ranjang Ara dan ngeluarin ingus nya disana.

Papa sama Bunda sampe keheranan sendiri liat menantu mereka, meski dalam hati Papa berdecap kagum pada Julian. Papa melihat sendiri bagaimana Julian begitu siaga nemenin Ara waktu kontraksi.

“Udah, Juleha udah. Nanti si Abi ikutan nangis ini liat Ayah nangis.” Gita yang lagi gendong anaknya Ara sama Julian berusaha diemin Julian, Gita berani jamin sih. Anak kosan pasti bakalan ungkit-ungkit kelakuan Julian hari ini, buktinya saja Januar yang sedang duduk di sofa khusus penunggu pasien sudah merekam Julian dari jauh diam-diam.

Arial sama Kevin cuma geleng-geleng aja, Arial agak ngerti sih sama Julian kenapa laki-laki itu bisa nangis. Soalnya ini anak pertama mereka, Julian juga pernah kehilangan calon anak mereka dan bagaimana perjuangan Julian dan Ara buat punya anak.

“Jangan nangis ih, aku udah gak sakit lagi tau.” Ara ngelapin air mata Julian, habis itu dia tepuk-tepuk lengannya biar diam. Persis lagi ngerayu toddler.

“Tapi tadi kamu kesakitan banget, sayang aku kapok..”

“Ya Allah, Ijul udah napa sih jangan mewek mulu malu sama anak lu ini,” pekik Chaka. Kepalanya jadi pening liat Julian nangis.

“Perasaanya halus amat yah, Janu pas gue ngelahirin malah panik gak karuan. Walau agak mewek dikit sih,” Elara jadi ingat waktu dia ngelahirin Raja. Janu juga terharu, gak nangis kaya Julian sih. Matanya cuma berkaca-kaca aja.

“Bang Ril, sini dah liat nih.” Januar manggil Arial yang dari tadi lagi sibuk melakukan panggilan video sama anak nya, iya anak-anak gak di ajak. Mereka di titipin sama Mama nya Arial, kebetulan Tante Riani lagi ada di Bandung buat jenguk Ara juga.

Arial yang di panggil gitu langsung nyamperin Januar, dia duduk di sebelah Januar sambil ketawa cekikikan berdua liat rekaman Julian lagi nangis sambil melukin tangan Ara.

“Bang Ril, mau aja lu di hasut sama si Janu,” samber Kevin, tapi gak lama kemudian dia jadi ikutan liat video nya juga soalnya penasaran.

“Munafik lu ah munafik.”

“Sekali lagi selamat yah, Ra, Jul. Atas kelahiran anak kalian. Aku ikut senang banget.” Yves ngasih selamat ke Ara, dia juga bawain hadiah buat Ara. Barang-barang yang di butuhin banget buat new mom sama beberapa kebutuhan untuk recovery. Yves nih pengertian banget emang.

“Makasih yah, ini juga berkat doa kalian.”

“Dan usaha Juleha jangan lupa,” samber Januar, bener-bener emang mulutnya.

Sampai sini rasanya kaya indah banget buat Julian sama Ara, tiap malam mereka suka kebangun karena Abi nangis. Entah itu karena haus, dia pup atau kadang gumoh sekalipun. Tapi mereka nikmatin banget waktu-waktu ini, gak bisa di bilang bahagia selama-lama nya walau pasti semua orang mau nya kaya gitu, mereka masih suka cekcok kok. Tapi mereka jauh lebih dewasa dari pas awal-awal nikah.

Ara bahkan kadang gak nyangka kalau dia bakalan menikah sama Mas-Mas yang dia temuin di toko buku, Mas-Mas yang dia kira udah kuliah atau kerja. Mereka ketemu lagi di Bandung dan akhirnya menikah, dari pada karma karena udah pernah mikir muka Julian boros, Ara lebih mikir ini adalah takdir. Kalau di tanya, di kehidupan selanjutnya dia bakalan mau di ajak nikah lagi sama Julian, Ara pasti dengan lugas menjawab kalau dia mau bertemu dan menikah lagi sama Julian.

selesai

 
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from Almost ☑

1 tahun kemudian

Ternyata ngomongin soal anak tuh beneran nambahin bumbu-bumbu di rumah tangga Julian dan Ara lagi, sampai hari ini Ara juga belum hamil. Selama setahun ini pun yang mereka lakuin berdua banyak banget bukan cuma buat honeymoon sesekali di sela-sela kesibukan keduanya. Julian juga nyuruh Ara buat berobat soal asma nya.

Oiya, Ara udah enggak kerja di klinik Sunshine lagi karena kontraknya juga udah habis. Persiapannya buat buka klinik sendiri juga udah 80% rampung, dan saat ini kesibukan Ara cuma mengelola kanal Youtube nya sambil nyari-nyari gedung buat diriin kliniknya.

Kalau Julian? Dia masih ngantor kaya biasanya kok, sibuk tapi yah gak sibuk-sibuk amat. Sabtu minggu pasti mereka agendain buat jalan-jalan berdua atau ngambisin waktu di rumah sekalian baca-baca mengenai cara mengurus anak. Hari ini mereka tengah bersiap buat main ke rumah Kevin buat jengukin Yves, soalnya Yves baru melahirkan anak pertama nya sama Kevin.

“Udah kok udah cantik,” Julian berdiri di depan pintu kamar mereka, liatin Ara yang masih rapihin rambutnya.

“Ish kamu mah, tapi aku udah rapih belum sih? Kok aku kaya ngerasa gak PD yah?” Ara merhatiin pantulan dirinya di cermin, dia ngerasa ada yang kurang sama penampilannya tapi gatau apa. Kaya ngerasa pipi nya agak chubby juga, ini semua gara-gara Julian nyuruh Ara banyak makan mulu nih, katanya biar berat badan Ara nambah.

“Udah rapih Bundaku, sayangku, istriku, permaisuriku. Udah cantik banget ini, jangan lebih cantik lagi.”

Ara muterin bola matanya, kaya malas gitu dengerin gombalan Julian tapi gak bisa di bohongin kalo dia blushing juga. Mulutnya Julian tuh emang paling bisa deh kalau ngerayu-ngerayu kaya begini.

“Ih kamu mah, yaudah yuk jalan. Udah gak sabar mau liat dedek bayi!” pekik Ara girang.

Oiya kalau dulu Ara sering banget takut kalau suruh megang bayi, kalau sekarang tuh dia malah jadi yang paling excited banget buat gendong bayi. Kadang-kadang, Ara suka ngajak main anak-anaknya Arial sama Gita atau ngajak main Raja, kali ini dia juga udah pengen buru-buru ke rumah Kevin sama Yves buat gendong anak mereka.

Mungkin juga dia udah siap banget buat punya anak kali yah, waktu itu Ara juga sempat terapi sama psikiater soal trauma pasca kegugurannya. Dan syukurnya dia sekarang udah bisa berdamai sama hal menyakitkan itu dan bisa mengikhlaskan anaknya.

“Aku jadi bayangin deh kalau kita punya anak, aku duduk disini sambil gendong anak kita.” Ara senyum, tangannya itu meragain bagaimana kelak ia akan menggendong anaknya sama Julian. Ia duduk di kursi samping kemudi, sedangkan Julian fokus mengemudikan mobil mereka.

“Kita siapin dulu aja gak sih namanya?” celetuk Julian, dia dari kemarin tuh kepikiran banget buat nyari referensi nama anak. Bahkan Julian udah beli buku nama-nama anak gitu, tapi menurut nya agak pasaran.

Jadi yang Julian lakuin cuma baca-baca cerita aja yang kadang nama tokohnya itu unik-unik, bahkan Julian tahu kalau di era sekarang ini gabungan nama sansekerta lagi hits banget. Dia jadi kepikiran mau pakai nama dengan unsur sansekerta juga.

“Ish kamu mah, aku kan belum hamil tau.”

“Ya gapapa, gak ada salahnya. manifesting sayang mana tau kan terkabul?” Julian ngangkat sebelah alisnya.

“Iya yah, kamu punya ide? Buat anak perempuan dulu gimana?”

“Hhmm..” Julian bergumam, sedetik kemudian dia tersenyum. Lucu juga kalau punya anak perempuan, apalagi kalau bawelnya nanti mirip-mirip kaya Ara, pikirnya. “Asjura Ayu Devandra?”

Ara yang dengar celetukan spontan dari bibir Suaminya itu ketawa, saking lucu nya sampai dia nepuk-nepuk lengan Julian dengan gemas. Beneran deh Ara tuh ketawa spontan aja, soalnya gak nyangka kalau Julian malah udah nyiapin nama lengkap kalau anak mereka nanti perempuan.

“Ish kamu nih malah ketawa, namanya bagus itu tau. Nama adalah doa, aku lagi doain anak kita yang baik-baik.” Julian prengat prengut gak terima, ngerusak suasana aja si Ara mah.

“Ih sayang, aku bukan ketawa gimana bukan ngeledek tau.” Ara terkekeh lagi, “serius deh, aku kaget aja ternyata kamu udah nyiapin nama lengkap nya kalau anak kita perempuan.”

“Ya emang kenapa? Kalau laki-laki juga udah aku siapin, kamu tau gak artinya Asjura tuh apa?”

Ara menggeleng, dia jadi excited banget dengerinnya sampai harus matiin radio di mobil mereka yang dari tadi nyala, dan lagi beritain ramalan cuaca kemudian berubah topik menjadi rupiah yang lagi anjlok banget. Emang miris banget ini negara.

“Pakai ejaan lama, tulisannya Asjura huruf J di baca Y jadi yah tetap di panggilnya Asyura. Yang di ambil dari peringatan bulan Muharam, di Sura sendiri dalam penanggalan jawa artinya satu. Terus Ayu itu artinya cantik, kalau Devandra kan nama belakangku. Bagus gak? Ini kalau anak pertama kita perempuan ya, kalau anak kedua yang perempuan itu lain lagi nanti aku pikirin.” Julian menoleh ke arah Ara yang lagi senyum-senyum sendiri, gak nyangka Julian pandai menamai anak mereka.

“Bagus, bagus banget malah. Terus di panggilnya nanti Sura?”

Julian mengangguk, “sebenarnya di tulis Jura tuh karna singkatan nama kita juga sih walau tetap aja di bacanya Asyura.”

“Julian dan Ara?”

“Yup!”

“Terus-terus kalau laki-laki?” Ara mengubah caranya duduk jadi menghadap Julian sebelah kakinya dia lipat.

“Kalau laki-laki namanya Abimanyu Nakula Devandra, bagus gak?”

“Abimanyu artinya?”

“Dalam bahasa Sansekerta Abhi itu artinya berani sedangkan manyu artinya tabiat. Aku kepengen anak laki-laki kita jadi anak yang pemberani, kalau Nakula itu adalah tokoh protagonis di dalam cerita Wiracita Mahabarata, dia itu tabib sama saudara kembarnya namanya Sadewa. Mereka berdua itu ganteng, ya aku mau juga anak kita bisa jadi anak yang pemberani dan ganteng,” jelas Julian.

“Berarti Nakula pinter dong yah? Buktinya bisa jadi tabib.” Ara malah jadi tertarik sama kisahnya Nakula gini.

Julian mengangguk, “ iya, kapan-kapan aku ceritain deh.”

“Ihh nanti malam aja gimana?” Ara ngedip-ngedipin matanya centil ke arah Julian.

Julian yang ngeliat Ara centil gitu jadi ketawa sendiri, kalau aja dia lagi gak nyetir mobil pasti Ara udah dia cium. “Kamu nih, tapi boleh deh.”

“Asik!!” Ara tepuk-tepuk tangannya.

Mereka udah sampai di rumah Kevin dan Yves, anak-anak kosan Abah juga udah lengkap banget, mereka dengerin tuh gimana panjangnya proses persalinan Yves, kadang Gita sama Elara juga nyeritain gimana mereka dulu melahirkan anak pertama mereka. Ya perempuan sharing-sharing gitu lah, sambil kadang mereka kasih wejangan buat yang belum punya anak kaya Ara sama Niken.

Ara sama Niken yang belum pernah melahirkan sih dengerin aja, itung-itung dapat ilmu jadi enggak bingung banget waktu melahirkan. Gak lupa mereka juga dengan capeknya dengerin Kevin banggain anak laki-lakinya yang di kasih nama Lois. Katanya anaknya ganteng itu karena dia sendiri juga ganteng, yah terserah Kevin aja mau gimana deh. Itu kan anaknya.

“Gue doain yah Jul supaya elo cepet nyusul, biar anak-anak kita bisa main bareng,” ucap Kevin yang langsung di Aamiini oleh yang lainnya.

“Elo gak doain gue juga, Kev?” Chaka di belakang sana dengan muka sewot nya itu nyolot karna Kevin cuma doain Julian aja.

“Lo mah nikahin dulu aja Teh Niken baru gue doain, udah nikah belum?” ledek Kevin.

“Elu sih mancing-mancing minta di cengin,” Januar ikut nyiram bensin ini sih.

“Sialan lu berdua,” Chaka gak terima, tapi gak bisa jawab apa-apa lagi. Dia emang belum nikah sama Niken. Walau kedua keluarga mereka sudah bertemu dan tengah mencari tanggal yang bagus untuk acara pernikahan mereka.

“Gue jadi kepikiran kita kayanya kudu ngumpul minimal sebulan sekali gak sih di kosan Abah?” celetuk Elara tiba-tiba.

“Harus sih, anak-anak kita kudu main bareng!” pekik Arial, dia excited padahal rumahnya sama Januar itu satu komplek.

“Ih boleh banget tuh, sekalian kalau bisa setahun sekali kita liburan ke luar kota atau negeri gak sih?” Niken tuh belum pernah liburan bareng anak kosan Abah, dia kan kepengen juga ngerasain sensasi liburan sama mereka.

“Gaskeun gak sih ke Turki? Ke Cappadocia sekalian?” sahut Julian, dia ngeliat postinyan instagram nya selebgram gitu banyak yang ke Cappadocia. Julian juga belum pernah ke sana.

“Elu kebanyakan nonton Layangan Putus ye, Jul?” Gita natap Julian, soalnya Cappadocia lagi tranding banget di sosial media karena series itu.

“Nanti kita omongin lagi gak sih? Sekalian nentuin tanggal nya kita kumpul-kumpul buat bulan depan, sekarang makan dulu deh yuk!”

 
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from Almost ☑

Rasanya masih kaya mimpi buat Julian bisa liat Istrinya itu lagi pulang ke rumah, Ara dari tadi sibuk buat ngobatin luka-luka di wajah Julian sambil sesekali ngedumel karena ulah Julian yang bikin dia khawatir setengah mati. Yang Julian lakukan hanyalah mandangin muka Ara yang lagi cemberut itu, gak pernah rasanya Julian dengar omelan dari bibir wanita itu seindah ini.

Dia rela buat dengerin Ara ngomel 2 jam berturut-turut asalkan wanitanya tidak pergi dari rumah mereka lagi, Ara memeras kain kecil untuk mengompres pelipis Julian yang bengkak setelah dia bersihkan dulu luka nya. Dia sebenernya dongkol banget Julian ngelakuin hal nekat sekaligus dia benci kaya tadi, tapi Julian justru cuma senyum-senyum liatin dia.

Karena kesal di liatin sama Julian padahal Ara lagi dongkol banget, akhirnya ia tekan luka nya Julian itu sampai Julian meringis kesakitan. Bodo amat sama rasa sakit Suaminya itu, Ara udah kepalang kesal.

“Kalau masih marah gausah obatin mukaku aja, gapapa. Dari pada separuh di siksa kaya gini,” Julian cemberut, tangannya beralih ingin merebut kain kecil yang Ara pegang tadi buat ngompres luka nya. Tapi Ara jauhin tangannya itu.

“Iya aku emang masih marah sama kamu, yang kamu lakuin tadi tuh bodoh tau gak?”

Julian nunduk, dia mengangguk pelan mengakui kesalahan dan kebodohannya. Yang Julian lakukan barusan adalah bentuk ia menghukum dirinya sendiri dengan rela di pukuli karena sudah membuat Ara takut sampai pergi dari rumah, tapi siapa sangka aksinya itu justru mendatangkan Istrinya itu buat pulang.

“Iya aku tau..” cicit Julian merasa bersalah.

“Kamu tau gak aku di jalan kena macet?”

Julian menggeleng.

“Kamu tau gak aku nekat nerobos masuk ke tempat sialan itu walau penjaga nya ngusir aku?”

Julian lagi-lagi menggeleng, kedua matanya Ara sudah memerah dia natap Julian nyalang. Sedangkan Julian hanya menunduk merasa bersalah.

“Aku kaya orang gila mukulin kepala penjaga Black Box sama coach kamu pake botol tumblr aku sampe botolnya penyok!!” Ara nangis, dia kesal banget rasanya kalau ingat kejadian 2 jam yang lalu.

“Maafin aku, sayang..”

“Ihhhh!! Dasar brengsek!” Ara mukul lengan Julian kenceng, Julian cuma diam tapi dia ngusap-ngusap lengannya sendiri.

Kadang Julian heran, badan Ara tuh kecil, kurus tapi kalau udah marah dan mukul kaya tadi tenaga nya beneran kenceng. Gak setiap Ara marah dia selalu mukul kok, dia kaya gini karna Julian udah kelewatan aja menurutnya. Bahkan kalau mereka berantem biasanya selalu di selesaikan dengan ngobrol dari hati ke hati.

“Aku khawatir sama kamu tau gak?!” sentaknya, Ara belum selesai ngomel.

Kali ini Julian mengangkat kepalanya, dia natap Ara yang lagi nangis sambil ngusap air matanya sendiri. “Kalau kamu khawatir, kalau kamu mikirin aku, harusnya kamu gak pergi dari rumah, Ra.”

Dalam sekejap kata-kata Julian barusan mampu membuat tangis Ara berhenti dalam sekejap, sekarang gantian. Ara yang di liputi perasaan bersalah, dia emang salah kok. Ara mengakui itu dan dia mau memperbaiki semuanya sama Julian.

“Aku minta maaf, aku emang childish banget pergi dari rumah. Aku cuma mau nenangin diri aku, Jul. Setelah aku tenang aku bakalan pulang, aku gak berniat ninggalin kamu selama nya,” jelas Ara, dia beneran cuma butuh ketenangan aja kok. Dan Ara ngerasa kayanya mereka emang butuh waktu sendiri-sendiri buat mikirin hubungan mereka.

Julian ngangguk, dia ngusap air mata Ara dan bawa Istrinya itu kepelukannya. “Aku juga minta maaf udah kelepasan sampai bikin kamu takut. Tolong jangan pergi lagi ya, aku gak bisa kalau gak ada kamu, Ra.”

“Kamu juga jangan nekat kaya tadi. Kamu bikin aku takut tau gak?” Ara meluk Julian posesif, dia beneran setakut itu Julian kenapa-kenapa sampai rasa takutnya ilang begitu di hadapkan sama laki-laki besar setara penjaga Black Box. Yang dia pikirin cuma Julian.

“Maaf yah, maafin aku..” Julian ngusap-ngusap punggung Ara dan nyium kepala wanita itu berkali-kali.

“Jul?”

“Hm?”

“Ayo kita punya anak.”

Tidak ada sahutan dari bibir Julian, dia masih membeku di tempatnya. Dia gak tau harus menanggapi ucapan Ara seperti apa, Julian seperti mati rasa. Dia takut kalau dia menjawab, Ara akan tersinggung dengan ucapannya lagi. Bagi Julian saat ini anak bukan suatu hal yang penting, dia mau sama Ara aja. Dia mau rumah tangga nya utuh selamanya meski tanpa anak, Julian benar-benar tidak keberatan jika Ara tetap memutuskan untuk tidak memiliki anak.

“Jul?” panggil Ara, dia merenggangkan pelukannya dan natap Julian yang kelihatan bingung itu. “Setelah aku pikir-pikir, aku masih berharap bisa punya anak. Aku masih mau di panggil Bunda dan ngurus anak kita sama-sama.”

Ara mau ngutarain semua isi hatinya, termasuk keputusan gegabahnya kemarin soal dia yang menolak buat hamil lagi. Ara mau memperbaiki semuanya, dia gak mau nyembunyiin perasaanya lagi.

“Yang bikin aku keras dan gegabah buat mutusin gak mau ngandung anak kamu lagi karena aku sayang kamu, Jul. Muka kecewa kamu, muka sedih kamu waktu tau aku keguguran yang bikin aku ngerasa bersalah. Aku takut kalo aku hamil lagi, aku bakalan keguguran lagi atau aku yang bakalan susah punya anak. Aku takut, Jul..” Ara nangis lagi, nyeritain ini semua bikin dada dia sesak banget.

Waktu sendirian di hotel, Ara emang ngerasa dia punya trauma kecil karena keguguran kemarin. Mungkin setelah ini dia butuh konsul sama seorang psikiater buat ngebuang semua pemikiran negatif nya selama ini deh.

“Sayang, aku justru yang ngerasa bersalah sama kamu. Aku kaya cuma mikirin gimana caranya kita bisa punya anak tanpa mikirin perasaan kamu kemarin-kemarin, maafin aku udah egois.”

“Kalau pun kamu tetap memutuskan buat gak mau punya anak, aku gak masalah, Ra. Aku cuma mau kamu selamanya. Aku gak mau anak lagi—”

“Aku mau, Jul. Aku mauuu,” suara Ara terdengar seperti merengek di telinga Julian. “Aku mau punya anak, ayo kita punya anak, Jul.”

Ngeliat Ara yang nangis dan ngerengek kaya gini bikin Julian jadi gemas sendiri, dia terkekeh pelan dan ngusap air mata istrinya itu. “Kamu yakin?”

Ara ngangguk, “aku mau punya anak, anak laki-laki yang mirip kamu.”

“Kenapa harus mirip aku?”

“Kan kamu Bapaknya ihhh!!” Ara mukul dada Julian dengan gemas, tapi setelah itu dia peluk Suaminya itu lagi.

“Kita habisin waktu kita berdua dulu yah, sambil nanti kita pikirin lagi soal anak. Kamu gak keberatan kan?”

Ara mengangguk, gak masalah menurutnya. Sambil menunggu Ara hamil, mereka bisa lakuin banyak hal berdua. Mereka bisa ikut parenting class, bisa ngabisin waktu liburan berdua pokoknya apapun itu asal berdua sama Julian.

 
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from Almost ☑

Entah sudah berapa kali Ara mengklakson mobilnya, dia masih terjebak di jalan menuju ke Black Box. Ada kemacetan di sana akibat galian tanah yang di lakukan oleh perusahaan listrik negara, dia juga sudah mencoba menghubungi teman-temannya tapi hasilnya pun masih sama. Tidak ada yang menjawab telfon darinya, ini memang masih hari kerja jadi Ara memaklumi.

Sesekali ia melirik jam, ini sudah jam 11:50 itu artinya sepuluh menit lagi pertandingan sialan itu akan di mulai. Dia gak bisa membiarkan Julian berada di tempat sialan itu lagi, dia harus membawa Suaminya keluar dari sana.

“Julian!! Kenapa kamu bikin aku marah banget!” Pekik Ara tertahan, kalau dia sudah sampai di Black Box nanti dia gak yakin gak akan ngamuk kaya waktu itu. Dan secara kebetulan juga Ara bawa botol air minum lagi, kali ini ukurannya lebih besar dari yang waktu itu Ara bawa.

“Julian brengsekk!!” Ara memukul stir mobilnya, namun sedetik kemudian atensinya teralihkan pada ponselnya yang berdering. “Mas Iyal?”

Hallo, Ra? Kamu dimana?” tanya Arial to the point, dari sebrang sana Ara bisa mendengar riuhan dari tempat Arial berada. Batinnya Ara tahu kalau ternyata Arial sudah sampai Black Box lebih dulu.

“Aku masih di jalan arah Black Box, Mas. Tapi macet banget ada galian, hiks.. Mas tolongin Julian, bawa Julian keluar dari sana hidup-hidup.” Ara jadi nangis sesegukan, dia beneran khawatir sama Julian. Gak mau liat Julian bonyok-bonyok lagi. Tapi dia juga marah, pokoknya campur aduk banget rasanya.

Mas Udah sampe disini, kamu bawa mobilnya hati-hati yah. Mas bakalan bawa keluar Julian.

Ara spontan mengangguk walau ia yakin kalau Arial gak akan bisa melihatnya, sekarang dia agak sedikit lega karena Arial sudah ada di sana. Setidaknya Arial bisa menyuruh Julian buat berhenti sebelum Ara datang, sekarang yang Ara perlukan hanya menunggu kabar dari Arial saja.

Sejujurnya Ara nyesal banget udah pergi dari rumah dan bikin Julian kaya sekarang, di perjalanan dia udah mikirin bagaimana dia harus minta maaf sama Julian dan kelanjutan rumah tangga mereka. Ara sayang banget sama Julian, kalau di tanya dia masih mau buat punya anak atau gak. Jawaban jujurnya adalah dia masih menginginkan itu.

Mungkin saat sudah berhasil membawa Julian keluar dari sana, Ara bakalan bilang ke Julian kalau ia mau memulai semuanya lagi dari awal, ia masih mau di panggil 'Bunda' dan membesarkan anak-anaknya sama Julian kelak.

Di Black Box, Arial berusaha menghalau ramai nya penonton yang memadati tempat berukuran 6x10 meter itu. Semua orang yang di dominasi oleh laki-laki itu riuh menyebutkan nama Julian ketika pintu kecil menuju atas ring itu terbuka, Arial yakin jika ini ruangan kosong. Teriakannya pasti sudah terdengar oleh Julian, tapi sayangnya ia bukan satu-satunya orang yang berteriak di sana.

“Kang, kalau mau ikut nonton juga diem kek. Gak bisa diam banget, mending keluar aja sana,” ucap seorang laki-laki yang duduk di sebelah Arial, logatnya sunda banget tapi dia ngomong sama Arial gak pake bahasa sunda. Mungkin ia pikir Arial bukan orang Bandung, ya memang bukan sih.

punten A, bisa tolongin saya gak? Itu yang di ring Adik ipar saya, ada berita genting saya harus bawa dia keluar dari sini.” Arial mencoba peruntunganya, posisinya yang berada di kursi belakang menyulitkannya untuk maju menuju ring dan menyeret Julian keluar dari sana.

“Eh eh, enak aja main bawa keluar. Si Julian? Itu dia jagoan aing anjir, bisa rugi bandar kalau dia belum main tapi udah di bawa keluar!” Pekik laki-laki itu.

“Tapi masalahnya—” belum selesai ngomong, dua orang laki-laki lainnya yang berbadan gempal menghimpit Arial. Seperti menahan Arial agar ia tidak bisa pergi dari sana.

Lonceng pertandingan pun di mulai, di kursinya Arial nyoba buat telfon Ara. Namun posisinya yang benar-benar terhimpit itu menyulitkannya untuk bergerak, dia cuma berharap Adiknya itu bisa segera datang dan menghentikan pertandingan itu sekarang juga.

“HOOOOOO!!!”

Keriuhan penonton bertambak seiring dengan pukulan dari lawan Julian itu mengenai wajah bagian kiri Julian, laki-laki itu jatuh namun kembali bangkit. Arial heran, kenapa dari tadi Julian enggak melawan. Ia seperti diam saja di pukuli di atas ring oleh lawannya sendiri.

Ketika lawannya kembali menyerang, Arial menutup matanya waktu bogem yang berasal dari tangan kanan lawan itu mengenai perut Julian. Adik Ipar nya itu tersungkur, Julian juga kelihatan batuk-batuk di sana.

anying si Julian kenapa sih?” laki-laki di sebelah Arial misuh-misuh enggak terima. “Kalau begini caranya mah gue bisa kalah taruhan.”

Dengan mengerahkan seluruh tenaganya, Arial berusaha mendorong laki-laki gempal yang menghimpitnya. Namun sialnya tenaga nya kalah besar, Arial juga kalah jumlah.

sial!!

Mau enggak mau, Arial pasrah melihat Julian di pukuli di atas ring tanpa bisa berbuat apa-apa. Dia cuma sibuk komat kamit berdoa supaya Ara datang sebelum Julian babak belur yang lebih parah lagi.

“HUUUUUU...”

Di sisi ring, Julian sudah membungkuk menghalau lawan yang terus ingin menghajar wajahnya yang sudah lebam dan mengeluarkan darah di sisi bibir dan juga pelipisnya. Beneran rasanya Arial gak tega banget liat Julian di pukulin, tapi juga Arial bertanya-tanya apa yang bikin Julian balik ke Black Box lagi? Apa dia mau mancing Ara aja supaya datang? Beneran Arial gak paham sama cara berpikir Julian.

Gak lama kemudian, di depan sana Arial liat ada seorang cewek yang datang entah dari mana. Cewek yang hanya kelihatan punggungnya itu marah-marah ke Ian yang dari tadi berdiri di bawah ring dengan cemas, cewek itu ngeluarin botol minum dari paper bag yang dia bawa dan mukulin lengan sampai punggung Ian dengan kencang. Dan Arial yakin itu Ara adiknya.

“Ara!!” Pekik Arial, dia buru-buru berdiri sekuat tenaga dan menghalau kerumunan orang untuk sampai di depan ring.

“BAJINGANN!! KELUARIN JULIAN GAK!!” pekik Ara di setiap pukulannya di badan Ian.

“Aduh-aduh, heh! Berenti mukulin gue dulu please.” Ian memohon, sungguh tenaga Ara tuh kalau udah mukulin orang pakai botol minumnya bisa lebih kencang.

“Apa?! Lo liat gak sih Julian di pukulin? Dia gak ngelawan!” Ara nangis, dia gak tega banget liat Suaminya itu di pukulin. Ara tadinya mau naik ke atas ring, tapi Ian dan beberapa penjaga di sana menahannya.

“Gue juga gak tau kenapa Julian kaya gitu! Gue juga rugi kalau dia kalah!”

“Apa lo bilang?! Dasar laki-laki kerdusss!! Mikirin untung aja lo yah, lo pikir laki gue sabung ayam!!” Ara kembali memukul Ian dengan botol tumblr yang dia bawa.

Dengan gerakan cepat, dia lari ke arah ring walau sempat di halangi oleh penjaga. Tapi kekuatan yang berasal dari kemarahan Ara itu beneran meletup-letup banget, dia hajar dua penjaga di bawa ring itu pakai botol tumblr nya, sampai penjaga itu kuwalahan dan milih lepasin Ara.

Begitu lepas dari dua penjaga itu, Ara naik ke atas ring dan sekarang gantian mukul kepala lawannya Julian pakai botol tumblr yang dia pegang. Lawan nya Julian yang tadinya sedang menghajar Julian itu menoleh dengan air wajah yang begitu marah.

“APA LO?!” pekik Ara. “Lo liat gak dia diam aja? Ini bukan pertandingan namanya kalau dia diam aja!!”

“Lo siapa?”

Julian yang kesadarannya udah di ambang itu membuka matanya perlahan-lahan, matanya bengkak karena hajaran lawannya barusan. Tapi dia tersenyum ketika sadar di depan sana ada Ara istrinya, Dengan tubuh yang sempoyongan, Julian bangun sembari meringis menahan sakit yang berasal dari perutnya demi menghampiri Ara. Dia harus membawa wanitanya itu keluar dari sini.

“GUE ISTRINYA!!!” Teriak Ara.

Penonton yang menonton pertandingan itu yang semula riuh kini saling bergumam diam-diam, suasana jadi agak senyap begitu Ara dengan aksi hiroiknya naik ke atas ring dan memukuli lawan nya Julian.

“Heh Suaminya lo aja yang—”

“Julian..” Ara gak perduli pada kalimat selanjutnya yang di ucapkan lawan main Julian itu, dia lari ke arah Julian dan mapah Suaminya itu di bahunya meski badan Julian yang tinggi dan berisi itu menyulitkannya.

“Sayang?” Gumam Julian.

“Brengsek kamu, Jul. Benci banget aku sama kamu!” walau khawatir Ara tetap memaki, dia tetap marah sama Julian yang udah bikin dia khawatir sekaligus kaya orang gila mukulin orang dan naik ke atas ring.

“Maaf yah..”

Karena kesal, Ara nyubit perut Julian dengan sebal sampai Suaminya itu meringis. Tapi sedetik kemudian Julian senyum, dia lebih baik di cubit atau di marahin Ara kaya sekarang ini dari pada harus liat Ara pergi ninggalin dia.

“Benci aku liat kamu kaya sekarang, aku masih marah yah!”

“Iya aku tau, tapi sebentar sayang.” Julian melepaskan lengannya dari bahu kecil Istrinya itu, dengan langkah yang sedikit gontai. Dia menghampiri lawannya yang masih membeku di atas ring.

“Kenapa?” Tanya laki-laki itu dengan pongah nya.

Julian enggak menjawab, tapi bogem mentah dengan mengerahkan seluruh tenaga nya itu ia berikan di sisi wajah lawannya hingga membuat laki-laki itu tumbang hanya dalam sekali pukulan. Lalu keriuhan dari penonton itu kembali, dan lonceng pertandingan berakhir. Julian kembali menghampiri Ara dan membawa Istrinya itu keluar dari sana.

“Ayo kita pulang,” ucapnya sembari menggandeng tangan Ara.

 
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from Almost ☑

Ara tau cara dia nenangin diri dengan lari dari Julian itu adalah cara yang salah, tapi buat saat ini dia cuma mau tenang dulu dan jernihin pikirannya. Walau lari kaya sekarang ini menurut Ara justru jauh dari kata tenang, tiap malam Ara masih nangis mikirin kejadian dia keguguran, mikirin Julian dan mikirin rumah tangganya.

Ara sayang banget sama Julian, justru karena rasa sayang ini yang bikin dia makin sakit. Ara selalu mikir negatif kaya seadainya dia berniat punya anak lagi, bagaimana kalau dia keguguran lagi? Atau yang lebih buruknya dia sulit buat punya anak. Pokoknya selalu aja ada ketakutan-ketakutan di kepala Ara kalau udah mikirin soal anak.

Ara tau ini salah, setiap pagi dia suka minum painkiller buat ngilangin rasa sakitnya. Dia cuma kabur ke hotel di daerah Bogor kok, karna kalau masih di sekitar Bandung, Julian pasti bakalan nemuin dia. Setelah sarapan paginya hari ini, Ara coba buat duduk di balkon hotel, ngirup udara pagi yang sejuk dan nikmatin semilir angin yang berhembus nerbangin rambutnya.

Dia pegang ponsel di tangan kanannya, dia mau coba cek ponselnya buat liat Julian nyariin dia apa enggak. Waktu ponsel itu nyala, langsung masuk notifikasi banyak banget. Entah itu dari sosial media nya, SMS atau telfon. Ternyata bukan cuma Julian yang telfon dan ngirim berpuluh-puluh bubble chat. Tapi ada Arial, Gita dan teman-temannya yang lain.

Tapi yang paling membuat Ara membeku adalah, waktu dia baca bubble chat dari Gita sama Chaka. Gita bilang kalau Julian udah kaya orang gapunya semangat hidup karena Ara, dan minta Ara secepatnya telfon dia, lain halnya sama Chaka. Cowok itu justru nyuruh Ara buru-buru datang ke Black Box hari ini sebelum jam 12 siang, ada apa sebenarnya?

Dengan perasaan yang berkecamuk, Ara buru-buru telfon Gita lebih dulu. Gak lama buat Ara dengar suara Gita di sebrang sana, karena pada nada sambung ke 3 Ara udah bisa dengar makian dari Gita.

heh bego, dimana lo?!” pekik Gita, dia udah nahan-nahan marahnya dari kemarin ke Ara. Akhirnya wanita itu telfon dia juga.

“Git, kok lo ngatain gue bego sih?” Ara agak kaget, walau dia mengakui sendiri kalau yang dia lakuin sekarang tuh bodoh banget. “Ju..Julian kenapa, Git?”

laki lo tuh nyariin lo tau gak?! Juleha udah kaya mayat hidup. Pulang gak lo sekarang, lo dimana sih? Biar gue samperin yah!!” beneran Gita kasian sama Ara, tapi dia juga kesel karna cara nenangin dirinya tuh salah dan malah memperburuk keadaan.

“Julian baik-baik aja kan, Git? Kenapa Chaka nyuruh gue ke Black Box sebelum jam 12 siang?” Ara ngulum bibirnya sendiri, dia meremas rok yang dia pakai. Perasaanya jadi gak karuan kaya gini, dia mau pulang buat nemuin Julian tapi juga dia gak siap berhadapan sama Suaminya itu.

Black Box? Argghhhh, mending sekarang lo samperin Juleha. Gue gak tau dia mau ngapain di sana!! Pulang, Ra. Cara lo nenangin diri itu salah, Juleha tuh sayang banget sama lo. Dia bahkan gak pengen punya anak lagi asalkan lo mau pulang.” jelas Gita, dia nyampein apa yang Julian bilang ke dia tempo hari.

“Gue belum siap buat ketemu Julian, Git.” dengar nama dan mikirin Julian aja rasanya udah bikin Ara mau mati, dia malah nangis lagi alih-alih buru-buru pulang atau telfon Julian.

kenapa? Kenapa gak siap? Juleha nyari lo kemana-mana, Ra. Astaga, dia udah gak marah sama lo. Kalian harus saling minta maaf, lo yakin gak akan nyesel kalau sampai terjadi sesuatu sama laki lo?

Ara nunduk, dia dengerin ucapan Gita yang kadang wanita itu juga seperti memaki nya. Setelah menutup telfon dari Gita, Ara coba buat hubungin Julian dulu. Tapi sayangnya ponsel Julian mati, dan seketika perasaan Ara semakin enggak karuan. Dia buru-buru ambil travel bag nya dan masukin barang-barang dia secepatnya.

Dia harus sampai di Bandung sebelum jam 12 seperti ucapan Chaka barusan, di perjalanan. Ara sempat telfon Chaka, beberapa kali tidak di angkat sampai akhirnya Chaka menelfonnya balik.

“Hallo, Ka? Julian kenapa? Kenapa lo nyuruh gue ke Black Box?” tanya Ara to the point. dia berusaha fokus sama jalanan Bogor yang hari itu agak sedikit berkabut karena di guyur hujan, belum lagi macetnya karena ini memang memasuki libur sekolah.

Ra, Julian mau tanding kayanya, Ra. Gue juga gak sengaja ketemu dia di mini market dan ngikutin dia, di pintu depan Black Box gue baca ada nama Julian di list tanding hari ini. Mendingan lo buruan telfon dia deh, gue khawatir banget. Laki lo tuh lagi enggak baik-baik aja tau gak!” sentak Chaka, dia jadi kesal juga karena Ara minggat gini tapi disisi lain Chaka juga khawatir, dia juga ikut Julian bantu cari Ara dan nemenin Julian.

Ara mejamin matanya, dia tepiin mobilnya di pinggir jalan. Julian benar-benar ngelakuin hal yang justru bikin Ara marah banget rasanya, tapi dia juga khawatir. Apalagi yang mengatakan kalau Julian enggak kelihatan baik-baik aja tuh bukan cuma Gita dan Chaka aja.

“Ka, bisa minta tolong gak buat samperin ke rumah gue dan bilang ke Julian kalau gue lagi perjalanan pulang? HP nya gak aktif, Ka.” suara Ara mulai bergetar, dia benar-benar khawatir dan merasa bersalah sama Suaminya itu.

sorry, Ra. Gue mau meeting sama team leader gue buat bahas proyek pembangunan rumah sakit. Coba lo minta tolong ke Kevin atau Januar deh.

Ara buru-buru matiin sambungan telfon nya ke Chaka dan coba nelfon Kevin dan Januar, sayangnya Kevin sedang di luar kota sedangkan telfonnya ke Januar tidak di angkat. Ara memukul stir mobilnya dengan kesal, akhirnya dia melajukan mobilnya dengan cepat. Ara harus segera sampai di Black Box sebelum pertandingan sialan itu di mulai.


Black Box siang itu begitu riuh dengan sorakan yang menggema ke penjuru ruangan, orang-orang di sana sibuk dengan bertaruh siapa yang akan menang dan sibuk menyamangati siapa yang akan bertarung hari ini.

Di ruang ganti baju, Ian berkali-kali bertanya pada Julian apa Julian yakin mau menggantikan petarung Black Box yang tidak bisa bertanding hari ini, karena Ian tahu kalau Julian enggak ada persiapan sama sekali. Laki-laki itu enggak berlatih lagi dan tampaknya Julian sedang tidak sehat.

“Lo masih bisa mundur sekarang, Jul,” ucap Ian senewen, kalau Julian sampai kalah. Ian bisa rugi 3 jutaan untuk pertandingan ini.

“Lo ngeraguin gue, Kang? Apa sekarang gue kelihatan kaya banci sampe lo nyuruh gue mundur?”

“Heh?” Ian memukul kepala Julian pake gulungan koran yang dari tadi dia pegang, udah kepalang kesal rasanya. “Lo gak ada persiapan apa-apa, muka lo tuh pucet banget kaya orang mau mati 5 menit lagi. Gimana gue bisa percaya sama omongan lo?”

Julian menggeleng, dia gak gubris ucapan Ian dan justru berjalan ke luar dari ruangan itu. Ian yang belum selesai bicara justru ngekorin Julian, ada petarung lain yang siap menggantikan Julian kalau laki-laki itu mau mundur detik ini juga.

“Lo udah bilang sama bini lo? Gue takut tiba-tiba dia datang terus nerobos masuk ring kaya waktu itu.” Kayanya Ian punya trauma kecil sama Ara deh, dia masih takut kalau Julian datang ke Black Box dan tiba-tiba Ara nyusul Julian sambil bawa tumblr dan mukulin kepala Ian lagi.

Julian hanya menjawab pertanyaan Ian itu dengan menggeleng pelan, dia memasang hand warp di tangannya setelah itu memasang sarung tinju miliknya, sarung tinju milik Julian yang selama ini sudah ia gantung di loker nya.

“Jul!! Mending lo balik deh.” Ian nahan Julian yang udah siap keluar dari ruang ganti.

Julian mendengus, “kalo lo takut rugi karena gue kalah, Kang. Gue bakalan ganti rugi.”

Sebelum pergi, Julian sempat menepuk pundak Ian dulu. Sebenarnya Julian enggak mengingkan uang dari hasil tandingnya, ada yang harus Julian lakukan di atas ring. Mungkin dengan cara seperti ini Julian bisa menghilangkan perasaan bersalahnya sama Ara.

 
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from kayasonalp

Turkey Intellectual Property

In today's rapidly evolving global economy, safeguarding intellectual property (IP) has become a cornerstone for businesses aiming to protect their innovations, brands, and creative works. Turkey, strategically positioned at the crossroads of Europe and Asia, offers a robust legal framework for IP protection, making it an attractive destination for both local and international enterprises. Turkey intellectual property.

Understanding Turkey's Intellectual Property Landscape

Turkey's commitment to aligning its IP laws with international standards is evident through its adoption of the Industrial Property Code (Law No. 6769) in 2017. This comprehensive legislation encompasses various aspects of IP, including trademarks, patents, industrial designs, and geographical indications. The primary objective is to foster technological, economic, and social progress by ensuring that creators and innovators receive adequate protection for their contributions.

Key Components of Turkey's IP Law

Trademarks: Protects distinctive signs that differentiate goods or services of one enterprise from another. Registration is essential to enforce trademark rights in Turkey.

Patents: Grants exclusive rights to inventors for their novel inventions, provided they are industrially applicable. Industrial Designs: Safeguards the aesthetic aspects of products, ensuring that original designs are protected against unauthorized use. Geographical Indications: Protects names or signs used on products that correspond to a specific geographical location, attributing qualities or reputation to that origin.

The Role of an IP Law Firm in Turkey

Navigating the intricacies of IP law requires specialized knowledge and experience. An IP law firm in Turkey plays a pivotal role in guiding clients through the complexities of IP registration, enforcement, and litigation. Their expertise ensures that businesses can effectively protect their intellectual assets and address any potential infringements.

Services Offered by IP Law Firms:

Consultation and Strategy Development: Assessing a company's IP assets and formulating strategies to protect and leverage them effectively.

Registration Services: Assisting in the preparation and filing of applications for trademarks, patents, and designs with the Turkish Patent and Trademark Office (TÜRKPATENT).

Enforcement and Litigation: Representing clients in cases of IP infringement, ensuring that their rights are upheld in legal proceedings. Portfolio Management: Overseeing and managing a client's IP portfolio to ensure timely renewals and compliance with legal requirements. Choosing the Right Intellectual Property Lawyer in Turkey Selecting the appropriate intellectual property lawyer in Turkey is crucial for businesses aiming to safeguard their IP assets. Key considerations include:

Expertise and Experience: Ensure the lawyer has a proven track record in handling IP matters relevant to your industry.

Comprehensive Services: The lawyer should offer a full spectrum of IP services, from registration to enforcement. Local and International Knowledge: Given Turkey's unique position, a lawyer with both local insight and international perspective can provide invaluable guidance.

Pi Legal Consultancy: Your Trusted Partner in IP Protection One exemplary firm in this domain is Pi Legal Consultancy. Based in Turkey, they offer high-quality cross-border legal solutions, specializing in intellectual property rights. Their team of dynamic and multilingual lawyers is committed to providing reliable and practical guidance in today's fast-changing regulatory environment. With offices in strategic cities like Ankara and Istanbul, Pi Legal Consultancy is well-positioned to assist clients both locally and internationally.

Why Choose Pi Legal Consultancy?

Specialized Expertise: Their focus on IP law ensures that clients receive informed and effective legal support. Global Network: Collaborations with professionals worldwide enable them to deliver seamless services to both personal and corporate clients.

Client-Centric Approach: They prioritize understanding the unique needs of each client, tailoring their services to provide optimal solutions.

Conclusion

Protecting intellectual property in Turkey is a critical consideration for businesses aiming to maintain a competitive edge in the market. Engaging with a reputable IP law firm in Turkey, such as Pi Legal Consultancy, ensures that your intellectual assets are safeguarded through expert legal guidance and support. Whether you're a local enterprise or an international corporation, having a trusted intellectual property lawyer in Turkey is essential to navigate the complexities of IP law and secure your innovations for the future.

 
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from kayasonalp

Ceza Hukuku ve Ankara Ceza Avukatı Desteğinin Önemi

Ceza hukuku, bireylerin özgürlüğünü doğrudan etkileyen, kamusal düzeni korumayı hedefleyen ve kanunlara aykırı eylemleri yaptırıma bağlayan bir hukuk dalıdır. Bu alandaki davalar, toplum düzeninin temeli olan hak, özgürlük ve güvenlik konularını doğrudan ilgilendirdiğinden, ceza yargılamalarında yapılacak en küçük hata bile bireyin hayatında telafisi güç sonuçlara neden olabilir. İşte bu noktada devreye giren Ankara ceza avukatı, yalnızca bir savunucu değil, aynı zamanda bireyin adalet önündeki en güçlü temsilcisidir.

Ceza Avukatı Kimdir ve Ne Yapar?

Halk arasında sıkça kullanılan ifadeyle “ceza avukatı”, aslında hukuken tanımlanmış özel bir unvan değildir. Ancak uygulamada, ceza hukuku alanında yoğunlaşmış ve bu alanda uzmanlaşmış avukatlara ankara ceza avukatı ya da ankara ağır ceza avukatı denilmektedir. Bu avukatlar, Türk Ceza Kanunu, Ceza Muhakemesi Kanunu, İnfaz Kanunu, Terörle Mücadele Kanunu gibi birçok yasal düzenleme hakkında derin bilgiye sahiptir.

Ceza avukatlarının görev alanı oldukça geniştir. Soruşturma aşamasında şüpheliye eşlik etmekten başlayarak; gözaltı, tutuklama, arama ve el koyma gibi işlemlerde hukuki denetimi sağlar, ifade alma sürecinde bireyin haklarını korur. Kovuşturma aşamasında ise müvekkil adına savunma yapar, delil toplar, tanık sorgular, gerekirse temyiz ve istinaf yollarına başvurur.

Ankara Ağır Ceza Avukatı Ne Zaman Gerekir?

Ceza davaları her zaman hafif suçlarla sınırlı kalmaz. Kasten adam öldürme, uyuşturucu ticareti, cinsel saldırı, organize suçlar ve kamu görevlilerinin yargılanması gibi daha ciddi suçlar, ağır ceza mahkemelerinin görev alanına girer. Bu tür davalar karmaşık dosyalar, teknik deliller ve ciddi cezalar içerdiğinden, tecrübeli bir Ankara ağır ceza avukatı ile çalışmak adeta bir zorunluluktur.

Ağır ceza davalarında avukatın bilgi birikimi ve stratejik yaklaşımı, davanın gidişatını belirleyebilir. Ceza miktarının 10 yılı aşması halinde sanığın özgürlüğü ciddi anlamda tehdit altındadır. Bu nedenle, yalnızca hukuki bilgiye değil, tecrübeye de sahip bir savunma avukatı hayati rol oynar.

Ceza Davalarında Konu Başlıkları

Ankara ceza avukatlarının ilgilendiği davalar çok çeşitlidir. En sık karşılaşılanlar arasında:

Kasten yaralama ve adam öldürme, Cinsel suçlar (cinsel saldırı, çocuğun cinsel istismarı), Hırsızlık, gasp ve yağma, Dolandırıcılık ve bilişim suçları, Uyuşturucu madde ticareti veya kullanımı, Trafik kazaları sonucu ölüm veya yaralanma, Hakaret, tehdit, iftira gibi kişiye karşı suçlar yer alır.

Her bir suç tipi, ayrı bir savunma stratejisi gerektirir. Özellikle uyuşturucu suçları gibi teknik delillere dayanan dosyalarda, delilin hukuka uygunluğu, ifade alma sürecindeki usulsüzlükler ya da iletişim tespit kararları gibi birçok detay savunmanın temelini oluşturabilir. Bu gibi durumlarda, uzman bir ankara ceza avukatı, hukuki bilgi kadar taktiksel deneyimiyle de süreci şekillendirebilir.

Ceza Avukatı Hangi Aşamalarda Devreye Girer?

Ceza yargılamasında avukatın sürece erken dâhil olması büyük avantaj sağlar. İlk andan itibaren:

Gözaltı ve ifade süreci, Tutuklama kararına itiraz, Delil toplanması ve değerlendirilmesi, Mahkeme süreci boyunca savunmanın hazırlanması, Karar sonrası istinaf ve temyiz gibi yolların işletilmesi gibi tüm aşamalarda ceza avukatı müvekkilinin yanındadır.

Erken aşamada yapılan etkili bir müdahale, davanın seyrini doğrudan etkileyebilir ve müvekkilin haklarının korunmasını sağlar.

Ankara’da Ceza Avukatı Seçerken Nelere Dikkat Edilmeli?

Ankara gibi büyük bir şehirde birçok ceza avukatı bulunmaktadır. Ancak her avukatın tecrübesi, yaklaşımı ve uzmanlık alanı farklıdır. Ankara ceza avukatı seçerken şu unsurlara dikkat edilmesi tavsiye edilir:

Ceza hukuku alanında özel olarak çalışıyor mu? Daha önce benzer dosyalarda tecrübesi var mı? Ağır ceza mahkemelerinde savunma yapmış mı? İletişimi açık ve süreçleri detaylı anlatan biri mi?

Bu kriterler, sanığın ya da mağdurun hakkını en iyi şekilde koruyacak, adil bir yargılama sürecine katkı sunacak bir avukatı seçmek açısından oldukça önemlidir.

Sonuç: Ceza Avukatının Rolü Hayati Önemdedir

Ceza davaları, bireylerin özgürlük, itibar ve haklarını doğrudan etkileyen ciddi süreçlerdir. Bu nedenle, bu süreçte Ankara ceza avukatı desteğiyle hareket etmek, kişinin savunma hakkını tam anlamıyla kullanması açısından büyük önem taşır. Özellikle ağır suçlar söz konusuysa, alanında tecrübeli bir Ankara ağır ceza avukatı, yalnızca davayı takip etmekle kalmaz; aynı zamanda adaletin tecellisi için müvekkilinin haklarını en üst düzeyde savunur.

Ceza hukukunda yapılacak doğru müdahaleler, bir bireyin hayatının geri kalanını etkileyecek sonuçların önüne geçebilir. Bu nedenle, ceza davasıyla karşı karşıya kalan her bireyin yanında, güçlü ve bilgili bir savunma temsilcisi bulunmalıdır.

 
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from kayasonalp

Almanca Tercüme Bürosu

Uluslararası iletişimin, akademik iş birliklerinin ve ticari süreçlerin hızla geliştiği bir dünyada, doğru ve güvenilir çeviri hizmetlerine duyulan ihtiyaç her geçen gün artıyor. Özellikle Almanca gibi güçlü ve geniş kapsamlı bir dil söz konusu olduğunda, çeviri yalnızca dilsel bir aktarım olmaktan çıkıyor; aynı zamanda kültürel ve hukuki uyumluluğu da zorunlu kılıyor.

Bu noktada, Almanca tercüme Ankara arayışında olan birey ve kurumlar için profesyonellik, deneyim ve resmiyet büyük önem taşıyor. Ankara’da faaliyet gösteren Almanca tercüme bürosu Metropol Tercüme, bu ihtiyaca yıllardır yanıt veren güçlü bir çeviri merkezi olarak öne çıkıyor.

Almanca Tercümede Neden Uzmanlık Şart?

Almanca, dil bilgisi yapısı, terminolojik zenginliği ve bağlamsal hassasiyetleriyle en karmaşık diller arasında yer alır. Bu nedenle, çevirisi yapılacak metnin içeriği ne olursa olsun, hedef dilde hem anlam bütünlüğünü hem de teknik doğruluğu koruyabilmek için yalnızca dil bilgisi yeterli değildir. Bu noktada alan bilgisine ve sektörel deneyime sahip tercümanlarla çalışmak, yapılan çevirinin kalitesini doğrudan etkiler.

Örneğin bir mahkeme kararı ya da sözleşme çevirisi, sadece cümleleri aktarmakla tamamlanmaz; hukuki terimlerin doğru karşılıklarıyla uyumlu ve resmi dil yapısına uygun olarak aktarılması gerekir. Metropol Tercüme, her biri kendi alanında uzmanlaşmış Almanca yeminli tercüman kadrosuyla bu ihtiyacı eksiksiz şekilde karşılar.

Noter Onaylı Almanca Tercüme Hizmetleri

Resmi kurumlara, üniversitelere ya da yurtdışı başvurularına sunulacak belgelerin yalnızca çevrilmiş olması yeterli değildir. Bu belgelerin yeminli tercümanlar tarafından hazırlanmış ve gerektiğinde noter tarafından onaylanmış olması gerekir. Almanca tercüme bürosu Ankara denince akla gelen ilk kurumlardan biri olan Metropol Tercüme, yeminli çeviri sürecini baştan sona yürütür.

Pasaport, diploma, transkript, kimlik, sabıka kaydı, doğum belgesi, evlilik cüzdanı gibi belgeler en sık yeminli çeviri talep edilen evraklardır. Metropol Tercüme, bu belgelerin hem Almanca’dan Türkçe’ye hem de Türkçe’den Almanca’ya çevirisini hızlı, eksiksiz ve resmi nitelikte gerçekleştirir.

Almanca Tercüme Hizmet Alanları

Metropol Tercüme, yalnızca bireysel evraklarla sınırlı kalmaz. Kurumsal iş birlikleri için de geniş kapsamlı hizmetler sunar:

Teknik belge ve kullanım kılavuzları çevirisi Akademik makale ve tez çevirileri Ticari sözleşme ve teklif dosyaları Mahkeme evrakları ve hukuki belgeler Sağlık raporları ve medikal çeviriler Web sitesi içerikleri ve kurumsal tanıtım metinleri

Bu çeşitlilik, çeviri hizmetine olan yaklaşımın yalnızca dil aktarımı değil, aynı zamanda sektör bilgisiyle harmanlanmış bir uzmanlık olduğunu gösterir.

Ankara’da Almanca Tercümede Güvenilir Adres: Metropol Tercüme

Başkent Ankara’da hizmet veren Metropol Tercüme, tercüme bürosu Ankara olarak geniş tercüman ağı, kurumsal disiplini ve müşteri memnuniyetini esas alan yaklaşımıyla Almanca tercüme Ankara arayan herkes için güçlü bir referans noktasıdır.

Belgelerinizi dijital olarak göndererek kısa sürede teklif alabilir, noter onaylı teslimat seçeneğiyle çevirinizi güvenle tamamlayabilirsiniz. Ayrıca, acil çeviri ihtiyaçları için ekspres hizmet opsiyonları da sunulmaktadır.

Sonuç

Almanca çeviri hizmeti, sadece dil bilgisiyle değil; kültürel farkındalık, terminoloji hâkimiyeti ve hukuki bilgiyle tamamlandığında gerçekten değer kazanır. Eğer siz de hem bireysel hem kurumsal işlemleriniz için güvenilir bir partner arıyorsanız, Almanca tercüme bürosu Ankara merkezli Metropol Tercüme ile tanışmanın tam zamanı.

 
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from kayasonalp

Understanding Divorce and Family Law in Turkey

Navigating divorce and family law matters in a foreign country can be overwhelming, especially when dealing with unfamiliar legal procedures, language barriers, and emotional stress. In Turkey, where legal culture may differ from other jurisdictions, working with a knowledgeable and experienced Turkish divorce lawyer is key to protecting your rights and ensuring a fair outcome. Turkey’s legal system provides comprehensive protection in matters of divorce, alimony, child custody, and adoption. Whether you are a local resident or a foreign national seeking to end a marriage in Turkey, the guidance of a specialized family lawyer in Turkey will help you understand your options and proceed effectively. Turkish Civil Code governs divorce proceedings and allows two main types of divorce: contested and consensual. In contested cases, disagreements over custody, finances, or property division often require court intervention. On the other hand, consensual divorce allows both spouses to amicably agree on the terms and obtain a faster result. A Turkish divorce lawyer is essential in both scenarios. From preparing all the necessary documentation to representing clients in family courts, they ensure that the process remains legally valid and emotionally manageable. Moreover, expats and international couples must pay close attention to the legal formalities of divorce in Turkey for foreigners, including documentation, court recognition, and the international enforceability of Turkish divorce decrees. Turkey also imposes specific procedures and requirements related to child support and alimony. Calculating child alimony in Turkey involves evaluating the financial capabilities of both parents, the child’s needs, and lifestyle considerations. In cases where alimony is not paid, your lawyer can initiate alimony recovery in Turkey through official legal channels. Turkish courts are empowered to enforce judgments and take necessary measures to ensure compliance. Beyond divorce, a Turkish family lawyer also assists in other sensitive matters such as adoption, property settlements, and prenuptial agreements. For individuals or couples considering expanding their families through adoption, working with an adoption lawyer in Turkey is essential for navigating the rigorous court procedures and ensuring that all legal criteria are met. In major cities like Ankara, Istanbul, and Antalya, clients have access to highly qualified lawyers who are familiar with local court practices. Whether you need a divorce lawyer in Ankara or an Antalya divorce attorney, engaging legal counsel with regional experience adds another layer of advantage in your case. These professionals also offer insight into the nuances of the Turkish divorce procedure, helping clients avoid common pitfalls and misunderstandings. Ultimately, hiring the right Turkish divorce lawyer provides peace of mind during one of life’s most difficult transitions. They serve not only as legal representatives but also as strategic advisors, helping you protect your future and that of your family. For those seeking trusted legal support in Turkey’s complex family law landscape, an experienced divorce and family law team is invaluable.

https://www.pilc.law/practice-areas/family-divorce-law/

 
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from aerkiaga's blog

Not much to tell about this recent week. Not because I might've been lying around all day doing nothing, but simply because I've focused more on personal tasks and things I had already talked about in previous posts. I've exercised a lot, dedicated much time to learning French and improved my score quite impressively in driving tests. I also type faster (26 WPM) on the CC2.

The date on which we'll be called to choose a medical specialty and hospital has also been revealed: May 5 in my case.

 
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from elilla & friends’ very occasional blog thing

My lesbian experience with topping without testosterone

Content warnings for this one: Text addressed at transfeminine folk; explicit discussion of sex and kink, including sexual experiences, intended as informative rather than erotic but rich in detail; discussion of HRT, surgeries, genitals, gender feelings; reports of a lively sex life; discussion of low libido when perceived as a negative, and of girlcock as positive; corny 5th-grade humour.

The pistil of a Korean lily flower (Lilium cernuum): her long, erect, phallic female sex organ, dripping with clear, sweet nectar , towering above her male phalli which surround the girlcock as if in adoration.

elilla& how are you a top without testicles? How do you even have erections? I'm transfeminine, can I preserve my sexuality after HRT?

There are many complicating factors so let's start with a tl;dr. This is the stuff that I consider the most important, based on my experience and that of trans folk I know:

For sexuality generally:

  • Be aware that you don't have to be sexual if you don't want to.
  • Keep in mind that your new body may have a very different type of libido. Learn how your feminine body works, don't expect it to be the same as before.
  • Have partners who make you feel affirmed and safe and desired (protip: t4t).
  • Have sufficient levels of estrogen. (Most cis doctors won't give you this.)
  • Keep in mind that your physical and mental health and general life satisfaction affect your libido too. I know, who can afford to be healthy in this economy etc., but it helps a lot to find some form of exercise that you enjoy doing regularly (it doesn't have to be intense or “sportsy”).
  • “Follow the breadcrumbs”. If you want to have sex but the libido isn't there, fool around a bit even if you're not feeling like it, see if it shows up. Der Appetit kommt beim Essen.
  • If you're kinky: Go deeper. Find new kinks. Break your own taboos. Avoid stagnation. Ride the curve.
  • Do not frame sex as an obligation or proof of attraction or personal worth.

For transfeminine erections specifically: all of the above, plus:

  • Do not frame erections as an obligation or proof of attraction or personal worth.
  • Play with your soft genitals too (“clit mode”).
  • Explore forms of sex that do not involve your genitals at all.
  • In particular, try topping the traditional lesbian ways (hands/fists/dildos/straps/tongue), you'll probably love it.
  • Consume t4t material and positive erotica that helps you see your genitals as affirming of your gender. Surround yourself with people who give you this security.
  • Consider body mods, surgeries, jewellery, custom lingerie etc. that help you claim ownership of your genitals.
  • If you're on cypro, switch to other forms of T blocking.
  • Erection meds and topical T are options.
  • I'm using this list item to reinforce the recommendation to do exercise.

I blocked my testosterone and I immediately lost all horny. Is this my imagination? Is it supposed to be this fast?

No, it's really that dramatic. It's really that fast.

Do you take cypro by any chance?

Yes, how did you know?

Cypro is more systemic in the body than most blockers. Anedoctal reports including mine suggest that it's harder to keep erections under cypro compared to other ways of blocking testosterone, even under comparable T levels. If you want to preserve erections, consider switching to bicalutamide, estrogen monotherapy, or GnRH blockers if you're lucky enough to have access to those. (These alternatives are also safer, so also consider them if you're indifferent about erections). Or just do what I did and cut off your gonads lol

Conversely, if you're dysphoric about erections, cypro may be your ally. But try not to use it for more than a few years; work towards SRS for a definitive and safe solution. Most people only need a very low dose of cypro to completely and utterly block androgens; try 5mg/day plus estrogens, and if that's good enough, try 5mg every 2 days; only increase if needed.

I'm a top and on cypro, is it hopeless for me in the meanwhile?

Absolutely not. I was on cypro for 2 years and kept merrily fucking butts. Was a bit more of a challenge, but that just made it more satisfying to find ways to make it happen anyway.

I started HRT and I think I'm ace now.

Well do you want to be ace? If you like it this way, you don't have a problem, you have a shift in identity. Enjoy!

If you had a reduction in libido that you perceive as a loss, and you want to feel sexual again: most people experience a change on the type of libido when they switch hormones. Though this isn't an absolute, testosterone seems to incentivise spontaneous libido, and estrogen responsive libido. It's hard to know how much of that is psychological from the social roles of “man” and “woman”, but it definitely felt physical to me, and I know a large number of both trans men and trans women who report similar experiences—though by no mean 100% of everybody I've met; keep the sexual diversity of people in mind, exceptions aren't rare and you may be one of them. Moreover this binary isn't absolute, comprehensive, or static; everyone in the world will have oscillations in libido amount and flavour, depending on the situation, state of the body and mind, connection with the partner, Venus retrograde, Gods know what else. For example, for promiscuous people like me, it's an almost universal experience that new partners bring out spontaneous libido, already during the hunt.

Can you describe what the shift in libido felt like for you?

Unter testosterone, spontaneous libido was urgent, almost like having to pee, or having to crack your fingers when they're tensely uncomfortable. It would happen without rhyme or reason (I recall getting hard for no reason in the midst of trying to understand math textbooks (and I don't even like math (ok δ looks kinda fuckable but…))).

Under estrogen, my responsive libido frequently needs to be fed before it can exist.

“It's when you only want sex after the sexy stuff starts happening”.

I'm now on transition year 7. On a typical weekend I have some lover on my bed and unless it's a brand new girl I won't be actually like, feeling sexual towards her, or looking forward to sex all the time. I'm doing my own thing dealing with life stuff, or we're chatting politics, or we're just hanging out and chilling. Truth to be told, I'm kinda aware that people expect sex from me (given how I present) but often I feel kind of lazy about the idea of having to set up all the gear for anal sex, thinking today maybe I'm not in the mood, and so on. No crave.

But then she will, say, sit on my lap without warning, touch my lips to attention, then give me that huffy shallow breathing that bottoms do as she brings her mouth close to my ears and murmurs: “choke me, Mistress”… aaand 5 minutes later I'm in bed pounding her.

Because most people I date have the same type of libido, that works the other way, too; when I'm the one feeling horny first, that usually means blowing some sparks towards my lover and blowing up the fires and waiting to have a good stable flame going on before we're cooking. Or if. I'm writing this after having 4am sex cos I randomly woke up horny next to the week's lover; I enjoyed without hurry the soft pleasure of big-spooning their body and exploring it without holding expectations on whether they would correspond or not; I would be genuinely satisfied with either outcome; as it happens, they did react in the body language of sexual pleasure, which in turn made me hornier, which changed how I played with their body, and so on, one tiny little notch at a time… That's responsive libido. Sometimes I'll just lie with a girl on the sofa all evening weaving in and out of highly sexually charged cuddling back to soft little hugs and forehead kisses as we browse memes together. The embers never catch into flames but that soft horny is so comfy and cozy anyway. I love those evenings about as much as I love fucking ass for an hour nonstop. If you learn to enjoy all sorts of experiences, you're never frustrated.

Wait—if both you and your lover are having a responsive-type libido on that day, doesn't that generate an impasse?

I mean, yeah. Dear Reader, I bid thee welcome to the †Lesbian†Bed†Death†.

Ok I couldn't resist the chance to explain why LBD exists but like, I don't like the negative framing, again: There's a whole universe of things you can do together as lesbians, you don't have to care that sexytimes isn't happening. You can garden together! Read comic books lying on her lap! Play little gay visual novels from itch.io and voice act the characters! Mask up to ambush local nazis! Bake cookies for one another! You know, girl things?

Ok, I get it, you've been thirsting over one another online for 6 months and you travelled to be together for one precious weekend and now nobody is feeling like sex and it feels like a bit of a shame. In this situation you can do a bit of that exploration and see if you can get the feedback loop of horny started. I've seen people call this “following the breadcrumbs of your libido”; going through the motions a bit, chasing an inkling of what you intuit will feel good today, until it hits. (I personally think of it as “making offerings to invite in the demons” rather than breadcrumbs, but you do whatever metaphor works for you.)

And if you're kinky: ride the curve. Hike the heck up that escalation curve. Even if you don't feel like it at first, do it consciously, deliberately. Once you strike the right nerve that gets her to shake with pleasure, your responsive libido will… response. It will response so much.

All this talk of bed death and baking but you seem horny online all the time though??

That's mostly a persona; both an aspect of my history and my identity, and a political positioning. I've been hypersexual since I was like, 11, and much of my life centred on navigating the various stigmas and ostracisms involved with that, both from conservatives and liberals. At this point I'm done masking. At the same time, after 40 and on estrogen, I've calmed down significantly. “Don't you have sex with like 4-5 different people per month?” As I said: calmed down significantly.

(See? That was my persona again, so well-practised at this point that it comes naturally. In a lewder period I do have that many partners or even more, e.g. the past four months or so; but I've also had periods with little more than vanilla-ish sex with known lovers once or twice a month, e.g. most of 2024. This has to do with mental and physical health too.)

No but seriously, most of the time when I'm hornyposting I'm not actually feeling aroused, it's just my aesthetik. Besides, presenting horny on main is a major way that I find new lovers in the first place. Responsive libido works online too, so when the right type of girl replies with the right type of comment to a kink text, it heats me up immediately, and we build from there.

Fairly rarely, estrogen does give me spontaneous libido, but it's not like before where I would like, have to take care of it in the next 10 minutes or get frustrated and lose the chance. Rather it's a seemingly random but low-burning, quiet, pleasurably painful type of horny that does not demand an orgasm and does not go away with one (so masturbation feels unsatisfying and pointless) but it like, colours my entire day, makes me scratch the walls craving some unspecified depravity. I'm not the only woman who calls this state being “in heat”. It's highly distracting, like, I cannot weave at all. I love it. My “heat” lasts maybe 5–6 days in a row for me. I can't induce it on purpose nor make it go away.

🤔Is any of that libido variation some sort of hormonal cycle?

Maybe? But I doubt it's from HRT. Back in the day I've experimented more than most trans women with inducing hormone cycles, from very high E2 doses to zero exogenous, with various doses and timings of P4; but could feel no clear unambiguous correlation with libido states. E2 does make me slightly more prone to crying and P4 affects my sleep in ways that are hard to define, is the best I can say I noticed cycling HRT.

How do I know if I'm ace or if I have my libido blocked?

Sometimes people ask “how do I know if I'm really trans?”. I find that question to be a red herring. “To be”, the copula verb, is a philosophical landmine, anything can “be” whatever you want it to be, or not, it's playing with words. (Like when fascists go “Can you just define what is a woman—” a woman is my throbbing cock is what she is). The question isn't whether you “are” trans, it is: do you want to transition? If you do, then the question becomes: how?

Same rationale for whether you “are” “really” ace. Who cares? If you're enjoying life without sexual cravings, nice! Have fun with all the extra time.

“I don't know what I myself want, though”—yes, of course, we've all been there. There's no magic trick there, you have to pay attention to your body and your emotions and explore and experiment out of your comfort zone and observe how it feels. Just don't get so attached to identity labels that you start forcing yourself to fit them.


(I didn't set out to reminisce so much when I decided to write this FAQ but since I'm already here, might as well. Hopefully telling about how my sexuality (re)developed can give people a reference point or a contrast to understand their own process? Or maybe I just want an excuse to write about my #journey. Too late now, buckle up…)


Immediately upon transition, I was convinced I must have become nonsexual. For the first time since childhood I wasn't yearning, and it felt kinda good. Refreshingly peaceful. I was pretty ok with that development. I had other things in my mind anyway, Gods know that first year navigating all the traps of gender and identity and the medical cistem was… a lot.

But that “peaceful” was always a “kinda”. There was some footnote to it, some restlessness I couldn't quite place. It took time for it to grow into discomfort, but the discomfort pushed me to go out again…

See, the thing is, I had been a top, and promiscuous, and dominating, and sadistic. These alignments didn't really go away; I just unconsciously distanced myself from all that because, like, even if I know rationally that there's plenty of women tops, dommes etc., these things are still socially associated with masculinity, so it felt like I would regress, would be seen like a man if I admitted to any of it. I didn't think that with words, I felt that instinctively, without realising it.

Another parallel: Some three months ago I got into powerlifting. I can now deadlift 95kg at 5 reps, and though I'm doing this for strength and not looks, my body changed faster than I expected to put on visible muscles. Not a lot of muscles, mind you, but moving in the “Vi-from-Arcane body” direction is feeling incredibly gender right now. I'm into it. And, after all this time doing high-femme outfits, I found myself trying out a sleeveless vest-and-dress-pants combo, profoundly enjoying the way that I can now pull off a soft butch bodyguard look without feeling like it makes me look like a dude. (Having D cups help).

Mirror selfie at the gym, flexing my new biceps. My sports bra has a boob window so I can flaunt the cleavage—this is an anti-misgendering shield.

And I had to square these euphoric feelings against how hard and unhealthily I had dieted in my first transition year to lose every bit of muscle I could, how I always felt bad about a muscular frame, how even years into transition I only went back into muay thai with trepidation, afraid of looking like a guy if I got strong… What a joy it is, to be secure enough in my gender that I can now admire muscles in myself as much as I admire them in other women.

Every aspect of my sexuality was like muscles, or like wearing pants. Each little part of it had to be reclaimed, slowly and with much effort.

At the beginning, I felt like asserting to be a woman was already asking for a lot. I couldn't possibly also expect other women to be interested in me, that would be too much. I felt like the very caricature of the trannie predator, this middle-aged, phallic, sexualised monster who chases women in female spaces. N.b. I emphatically do not hit on women except in contexts like, dunno, queer parties after they return my smiles; but it felt like I could be that. Maybe deep down I was secretly her? The #problematic type of trans girl? So all of my problem aspects had to be buried deep. I felt like, as a woman, I would be decidedly unattractive; I was convinced transition meant my sex life was over.

“After all, who would ever be interested in an older, tall, dominating yet maternal, lesbian futa top?”

That was definitely a belief I had.

Of course I started attracting the interest of women pretty much immediately, cis and trans. (And enbies, and femboys…). I would go online and see terf op-eds from the UK and think women now hate me forever. Then I'd tremblingly, terrifiedly, talk with women IRL and they'd be all like, “hey so I wanted to buy one of those egg vibrators want to go to the sex shop with me?” and “let's hang out at my place, I can cook vegan for you?” and “oh the sofa is too uncomfortable, why don't you sleep in my bed?” and I'd be like, she can't possibly be hitting on me, right? This is normal for girls, right? She's sleeping so close that I can feel her soft oscillating breath on the skin of my lips but I bet this is just what girls do, it doesn't mean she's like, into me, that's impossible… 💦

(Actual example.)

(No, I didn't act on it.)

I was so happy when my body started changing that I started posting selfies, and unexpectedly they got swamped with feminine thirst, which led to a cycle of exhibitionistic affirmation, and soon to my first few t4t lovers. And slowly, slooowly, all these sweet femmes managed to convince me that I wouldn't be considered a “man” if I bound a girl in ropes and made her come with a magic wand, with the argument that they wanted me to do exactly that, which was kind of a hard position to challenge.

Having this mutuality of desire was crucial to reconnecting with my libido, because what I'm trying to get at here is— I'm not vanilla. Even before transition, doing the same type of basic-ass penetrative sex with the same person bored me to death. To be sexual again I needed to feel free to explore my taboo/problematic/cringe perversions; luckily, turns out plenty of girls are into that.

So you see, for me my loss of libido was tangled up in all sorts of gendered trauma and social pressures and anxieties and whatnot. And that wasn't visible to me at all. I had to fool around and try out stuff, and I needed a ton of time and a ton of support. My broken heart was only ever healed thanks to the power of love ♥

Good for you, sister! But my problem isn't the libido; it's that I'm a top and I can't get hard anymore. You seem to have it easy…

Ok so even after I was sexual again, for a good couple years more I was convinced that my body didn't work for genital penetration anymore. I had this entire identity where I was like, “yeah I don't have working hardware, and whatever I'm not into it anyway”. At this point I had learned about dissociation, which let me understood why, before transition, I had to picture myself somewhere else to be able to have penetrative sex. And, thanks to BDSM I already had experience with my hands, with toys, with my tongue; and, now as a girl, doing other girls with those tools was more pleasurable to me than I ever imagined possible. I was, at long last, a lesbian top; it felt too good to be true. (It still does.) Who cares about boring old penis in hole anyway?

And I don't think that was wrong, mind you. I don't even think my “ace year” was a misunderstanding or anything, not really. That's who I was, at the time. People who met me at that place met me as such.

Then on one memorable evening I had a visit from this girl with a 100% submissive personality, intensely bottom urges, and a particularly attractive, perky round butt, and at some she was just lying there butt up and… yeah. T at unadvisably low levels, cypro all over my system, transfeminine dysphoria, eventually no testicles—e por si mueve. Girlcock does not care, none of this matters before the might of “Gosh I wanna fuck this butt”.

I was promised horny hormones and you keep doing this lovey dovey trauma healing woo, come on give me the deets, how do I hack the body

The trauma healing woo is crucial, ok? But without further ado:

  • Ideal E2 levels vary from person to person but for most people it's somewhere between 300pg/mL to 900pg/mL. If your SHBG has gone up, you're doing too much; increase E2 as much as you can while keeping the SHBG zero or minimal.¹ Having enough E2 isn't important just for sexuality but to keep your energy levels and clear mind in the absence of testosterone. Most doctors won't prescribe you enough estrogen, so unless you're lucky enough to have access to a trans-literate clinic, you'll have to DIY. Injections are to be considered the first-line choice for most transfem people; they give good levels and work well for almost everybody. Other methods that worked for me or people I know are a relatively high dose of gel (or, better, spray) on testicles, lower corner of jaw, and forehead (in that order of preference); or combining transdermal E2 with sublingual/buccal pills.
  • Progesterone might or might not affect libido. Some people swear by it. I thought sometimes it did help me feel horny, and sometimes I couldn't feel any difference. I take it anyway, but when I forget to take it or experiment with a break, it doesn't affect my sexuality unambiguously. Nothing that isn't utterly overshadowed by, say, cute girl in a mesh top smiling at me at the rope meet.
  • Some trans women will stay in the “upper female” testosterone range on purpose, to have more spontaneous libido and energy; or apply T topically on the genitals, for erections. This won't affect your feminisation if the rest of your HRT is well managed. (If you do topical T, please inform your partners of that.)

What about sexual medication?

Vasodilators like sidenafil and tadalafil work fine for trans women who want erections, but doctors often deny access to them. Fortunately cis men DIY those so they're relatively easy to find.

Bremelanotide reliably stimulates libido for many people (regardless of hormones or genitals). But I can't see a sex life depending on it; would be very awkward, having to take a shot 2 hours before every time your gf wants sex. I recommend it as a party drug at best. The brand-name product is only sold as injections, but on the gray market you can find a nasal spray, too.

You're into herbs, right? Is there any data on herbal treatments for erections that work without T?

Anecdotal only, no concrete research either way. My best results have been with maca.

With all these complications, how do you keep consistent erections?

I don't. A lot of the time during arousal I'm soft, or half-erect. Even when erect, it comes and goes.

Mira Bellwether, in the zine “Fucking Trans Women” (which you should definitely read if you haven't yet), has called girldick “temperamental”; when she wanted to coax her cock into topping, it would stubbornly refuse; then when she was least expecting it and not at all prepared for anal sex, it popped up rock-hard and aching with lust… this has been my experience often, too.

How do you top while soft, then?

First of all, I take it as fundamental that penetrative sex is optional and a bonus to me. Most lesbian tops rely on their hands and dildos and straps, and I have all these options, plus, sometimes, delicious live cock. Sometimes I'll bind, domme, top and/or hurt a submissive girl all while I'm fully clothed, without stimulating my body at all; I find that to be a very rewarding type of sex when the mood calls for it.

Remember too that penises are homorganic with clits. Soft girldick is just a big clit. It has the fun nerves and everything, and can be played with in all the ways you'd play with a clit. Get them to tongue it, put a vibrator on it. Sit on their face.

If at some point I want to incentivise my cock into an erection, for example for a photo, I have to play with the responsive libido until she shows up. If I'm alone, for example, this usually means written erotica or browsing flirty DMs. I consider neither penetrative genital sex nor orgasms to be “goals” during sex; I find goal-oriented sex productivist and spiritually unsatisfying. There’s nothing that kills the mood faster for me than feeling like I have to perform.

But if I want to get harder with a bottom, maybe I'll fuck something that doesn't require a full erection, or an erection at all (mouths and lubed thighs work great). Or bring out the wand vibrator and tease us both. Or switch to some other type of play and explore different flavours of arousal. Breaking a taboo or crossing a line that turns a kink up a notch makes me hard basically 100% of the time. Even straight people talk of “heating up the sex life”, right?

Conveniently, the process of softening up an ass for penetration also makes me horny, so teasing and lubing and edging and fingering a bottom will both make them easier to fuck, and me harder. Most of the time. If it doesn't, hey, that's what lesbians invented dildos for.

One complication is that with intermittent erections you can't rely on condoms very much—I've had one too many close calls where a condom almost slipped off mid-penetration. I've tried using a cock ring to ensure they're held in place, but it wasn't enough. Now I use internal condoms (often sold as “female” or “vaginal” condoms), which work great for anal sex, too. I also consider it fundamental for promiscuous people to do PrEP and regular STI tests, doubly so if you're into anal.

Do you get pain during erections/penetration without testosterone?

I've seen reports of it but I don't. I mean sometimes a very hard erection has a pleasurable degree of background ache but that was the case before transition, too. I think experiencing intense pain may have more to do with disuse than atrophy or hormones; or else it's individual variation.

Do you get ejaculations without testosterone?

Nope. Sorry. Wish there was a way to have big showy money shots for the aesthetic value, without androgenisation; but as far as I could research, there isn't.

Transfeminine folk will still produce ejaculate for, dunno, two or three years after starting HRT, tops? then it starts steadily drying up. Girlcum is therefore a precious delicacy, to be treated as a treasure (sweet and unscented, clear and thin, delicately intoxicating…). These days I will cum maybe between a couple drops to a small stain on my panties, and it tends to come more as a leak in the minutes after I'm finished with my reverberating multiple orgasms, than as a triumphant jet during the orgasms themselves. The amount of liquid people produce seems highly variable between individuals, and also within the same individual depending on type of HRT and how long they've been on it.

Do you get atrophy without testosterone?

I was never the dick-measuring type, and I'm not sure whether mine has reduced in size or not. The glans definitely seems smaller, giving it a slender tip; but the shaft remains as thick as I remember it being. Somebody once called this pattern—thin and easy at the tip, until you reach a suddenly increased girth—my “knot”, which made me feel very positive about it. Generally all the transition changes I had with girldick—the feminine glans; the larger, darker raphe; the increased skin sensitivity; the softness; the neutral scent; the sweet taste—were crucial in making me able to see my cock as “mine”, as something different than boycock; a process of body reclaiming that culminated in the orchiectomy, which fully removed any dysphoria I might ever have felt about penetrative sex.

At any rate intermittent erections will reduce the effective size some of the time, so girldick is unlikely to be the type to satisfy a size queen. (Why do you think the Goddess gave us bigger fists…?)

All that sounds surreal but I'm not like you, I could never be like that…

That's how I felt about all those cool trans women, too. For like a decade. “They're too awesome, I wish I could be trans too, what a shame I'm not trans if I was trans I could transition.” Even now this life still feels surreal for me myself who am living it. But hey, there's a top shortage out there, and your hard work is sorely needed! And your soft work too, for that matter! Comrade, thirsty bottoms want you to do your part for the community! o>


Feedback

1: People have asked where are these numbers from. Several sources:

  • Widely used E2EN 15mg/14 days protocol seems to solve “stalling” lack of feminisation issues for many trans women who came from lower levels of E2 from transdermal or pills. That protocol generates a curve from 300 to 600pg/mL on most bodies.
  • Dr. Power's experiments on how much E2 people can take before free% levels start to drop (between 300 to 1000pg/mL for the large majority, N in the hundreds).
  • My own experience (wildly successful both in bodily feminisation and mental state, but only after I changed to spray and upped my levels over 300pg/mL) and that of people I personally know.
  • Cis woman pregnancy levels as a ceiling of how high a fem body may go in natural conditions (over 7000pg/mL).

Higher levels also have the benefit of acting as monotherapy to compensate subpar blockers like spiro, and potentially compensating for tricker androgenic pathways like adrenals, post-SRS spikes, and the backdoor.

 
Weiterlesen...

from ARBITER

Sekri looks out the window.

We're machines that eat and breathe and look really cool You're reacting just the way that I thought you would And I've replaced my heart with metal parts And I'm working out just fine, but I can't get it to start — Holy Fucking Shit: 40,000, by Have A Nice Life

...and what am i meant to observe?”, Sekri says. Of course, the image he sees is not of particular merit or importance to him. It is the last vestiges of a dying planet, one that has forgotten its own history as its inhabitants disappeared in one fell swoop. There are greens, blues, pale yellows, and greys. But none of them stand out to Sekri, as he has gazed upon similar sights repeatedly to the point where they are dull in his perception. When you say “landscape landscape landscape landscape landscape”, it stops sounding like a word, doesn't it? To those who lived here, the image before him would have been a warning of things to come. There would have been endless speculation, should they have been made aware of their fate. Would it be a change in the climate that took them out? Some kind of war, with weapons that served no purpose except mass devastation? The impact of a solid body from elsewhere driving a hole through their landscape? Widespread disease that their systems failed to account for? Fire and brimstone? ...Does it even matter? Does it lessen the effect to know the cause? There's a certain permanence to knowing how much time you have left. You might decide to act on various impulses you've had throughout your life, knowing that the behaviors you exhibit will not have lasting consequences. You may hole up, attempting to prolong your small window of existence as long as possible, spending your remaining time with those you care about. Or, and this is the most relevant part, you may make something. You may opt to use your final moments to bring others into your memory: an auto-biography, a diary, a small trinket, a named space of land, a tape. It may not even be good, but that doesn't matter. It is yours. All this is to say, the people of this planet had no time to create anything of this nature, because they had no warning. Even if they did engage in this act of creation, it is unlikely that Sekri cares, especially right now. “do you not immediately recognize something of interest?”, Amry says, attempting to counter Sekri's overwhelming tired nihilism. “i recognize... a swath of gaseous foreign bodies. i recognize the planet designated 102E... one that, in misguided reasoning, you are suggesting we hole up on.“ “you have a lack of whimsy and imagination, and it is concerning to me”, Amry says cheerily. “then what do you see, genius?”, Sekri says, as his last chance to exert agency begins to vaporize. “i see the face of a new mother! one that will not leave us blighted. one that is abundant with high density concepts that we can use to sustain ourselves for generations. one that we can use as a place to find something to appease the arbiter, or to settle anew failing that Σ8]“ “to adopt this unsanctioned knowledge is tantamount to decay. do you have any idea what might come out the other end? would it be us?“ “i believe that this truth is a lie you have been fed, and moreover, you are speaking in worst cases again Σ8C“ “is this not already a worst case?“ “i... am trying to avoid that line of thinking, and i believe that the arbiter will understand if we can bring something of value“ “...how quaint of you.“ Amry, eager to change the subject, attempts to suggest a new idea. She'd rather not inspect her own internality right now, because it is screaming at her endlessly, like her voidform's tendrils cascading into herself. “now if you will notice, we have various green masses. we were attracted by density once, that much is useful — there are many attractors though. we noticed colors here, among many others“ Sekri facepaws. “we have density for a reason, it sustains subsumption“ “are we looking for something to subsume? i will not decay for many, many ticks now!!! overloads are intense, i feel as if i am spinning!“ “eventually we will — i will — need something...“ “that is a worst case”, Amry says, entirely ignoring the actual facts of the matter. “we want the arbiter to act as if we have given a gift, something so invaluable that we are heralded as gods, means justifying the ends“ “foreign concepts again... it feels as if you almost revere 102E.“ “i do.”, Amry says, raising their uncannily low cadence's voice. Her form was not meant to emphasize things in this manner. It was, evidently, meant for other purposes; comedic ones, not serious ones. Not this conversation. “they clearly had a breadth of information beyond us. artifacts and cultures we can never understand; finally! something alien!“ Sekri pauses, and a breaker flips within him with a resounding SNAP! It seems to indicate to him that there is something that he has not yet seen, something relevant, something dense. It is a memory, and he is unable to trace it. It feels like a foreign intrusion, as if someone took a scalpel to him and inserted a lie between where the truths go. He pauses. “can i tell you a story? ...a myth, i fail to know its source“ “you cannot exactly thought experiment your way out of this, you know!!!“ “believe me, i am acutely aware. it would provide me some comfort, if you were to hear it.”, he says. Regardless of its importance, he wishes to eschew whatever has come into him from his system. There is only one thing that he could say, and only one way to say it. “alright”, Amry says, placing her paws down on the cold metal flooring.



there was a world, and it was once of gods; your foreign concept, but one of great power. birthed from the primordial, they were as they were. they were overthrown by new gods, ones of greater power; banished to places that they surely could not escape. the new gods created mortals, those that irreversibly decay. they could not Understand, so they attempted to by proxy. they withheld some of their Understandings, in fear.

...but an old god, son of the Piercer, saw different. he wished for these Understandings to be known, spread without consequence. so he stole them, and created Culture for the masses; a set of Understandings so basic they could be shared. but the new gods were of great power; the son of the Piercer was bound to eternal torment, an endless cycle of subsumption and decay.



​ As Sekri wraps up, Amry's eyes turn to half-circles, and her face scrunches up. “i... where did you get this from?“ ​ “i told you, i do not know“ ​ “if you are implying what i think you are implying..... you do not want to do this because of power? when did you begin to cower in fear? it means nothing if the power is unjust!!! we would decay regardless!!!“ ​ “the arbiter... cannot be unjust. he has brought us life.”, Sekri says, hesitating. ​ “there you go with your full stops. do you wish to convince me to lie down until we are extradited? you are along for this ride with me.”, Amry says, raising her voice to the intonation of hissing. “i am creating the station from which we will continue! the future will look upon us as the new 102E, as great pirates and preservers testing the waves; ones who brought riches and wonders. i will not let you let that dream decay!!!“ ​ Sekri flinches, and gazes upon her with concern. ​ She realizes that she has gotten too heated, especially against someone who has recently panicked. She backs down, slightly, attempting to look bashful but failing to control her form. “...otherwise i would not appear as this floating signifier Σ8/“ ​ “...a floating signifier. that is what you think you are? you said it yourself, you called it a-“ ​ In an instant, however, Amry's new reflexes catch up with her internality, her perception as razor-sharp as her depiction. She jumps from her resting position and arches her back, staring directly at a laser-thin point on the surface she observes. “what is that?“ ​ “...what is what?“ ​ Amry points at the object with her claws, scratching the window surface with a horrifying cadence. ​ “please never do that again. this is not very dense, regardless. what do you wish to do with it? ​ “if we wish to bring an understanding that is important, not necessarily dense, what do you notice here?”, Amry says, using rhetorical questions annoyingly. She really wants Sekri to see things from her perspective, but alas, they have dissimilar visual perceptors at present. ​ “i am tired of putting up with this! do i not have control of my own actions? am i to be moved like a doll? am i to be subjected to an endless barrage of inquiry-circle shit?“ ​ “it is a simple question, tragicality“ ​ “and why would you address me with that title if you want me to disregard the whims?“ ​ Amry grins. “because i can“ ​ “if i state what i observe, will you be quiet?“ ​ “maybeeeee!!! Σ83“ ​ “fine. it is black and white, covered in solid rock. it appears to be an unservicable-class entity, if i were to guess, which i do and am. there are grey offsides that are heightened, and there are red walls. it is nothing of...“ ​ That's when he notices. ​ “...it is shaking?


LOCAL COORDINATES: 39.950563, -75.149062 NO ORGANIC INTELLIGENT LIFE DETECTED BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT NO OTHER RELEVANT INFORMATION

absolutely nothing relevant?”, Sekri says, attempting to make logical sense out of what he's just seen. There has to be a reason for the seismic disturbance he saw. Some kind of dense entity must cause something like that, or some kind of organic intelligent life, or some kind of fusion reaction going on in the planet's core. Surely there is something important going on here.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR YOU HAVE CYCLED ME BETWEEN ONE OF THE DENSEST THINGS I HAVE HAD EXPOSURE TO AND PERHAPS THE MOST NOTHINGEST NOTHING TO EVER NOTHING REGARDLESS; UNSERVICABLE-CLASS ENTITY MY JUDGEMENT IS THAT IT WAS UTILIZED BY LOCAL FORMS AS A SPACE FOR COMMUNION BUT EXTREMELY BANAL COMMUNION NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE HAS SEEN GENESIS HERE

then is there anything that would explain the disturbances that i viewed?

NOTE PRIOR COORDINATES 39.9645473, -74.9661513 POSSIBLE CAUSAL LINK GIVEN SIMILARITY OF VALUES

Huh.

OR NOT I HAVE NO IDEA AHAHAHAHA

The fact that this is reasonably close to the prior anomaly is at least interesting, Sekri thinks, despite the fact that it raises even more questions. Namely, why is there a disturbance here and not there? Why did he not track down anything at all in the prior area — is it entirely devoid of density? It's at that point that he realizes that the difference between 39.950 and 39.964 is far more than he imagined, as the coordinates of his prior and current positions appear before him on the computer's visualizer. It's not a large gap between the two, but certainly enough that they're distinct. In truth, Sekri doesn't understand what these numbers really mean, or why the computer uses them to navigate. It is only important to the computer. “right. well, prepare a report. scrounge any necessary information that you are able to by scanning local signage, and ensure that my observation of lateral disturbances is noted and taken into account.”, Sekri says, noting that the computer's auto-generated reports tend to be riddled with errors. But he doesn't really have time to deal with that right now, and more importantly, he doesn't particularly believe that said report will be of any use. It's only in this moment, after all the panic attacks, as the ship lands on the coordinates, that Sekri is able to step back and realize what the stakes are. Obviously, there's been prior, instinctual reactions, but that isn't how he likes to think. He prefers to act primarily in logistics mode, and the logistics are thus: Amry has been extradited to Cognis. As a result, she either needs to come back, or she will be forcibly returned to the area. Assuming that she does not return, and Sekri knows that she won't, there will be a crew dispatched to her location, either on this plane or in the Inclinosphere. But given that Amry has recently consumed an Overload-class entity, it is highly unlikely that she is to be extradited in the Inclinosphere. She would be liable to lash out. The extradition order was assigned specifically to Marka. Given all that information, this means that Marka is coming here. It means that he, alongside a slew of nameless Correction officers, are liable to show up far before they find anything that is worth it. Furthermore, if they were to find something valuable, they would just... Sekri doesn't want to think about this, and he knows what will happen if he does. Amry's plans have always been inscrutable, but this is on a new level of inscrutable, so much that he can't even scrute it. Whatever that means.


As the vessel lands, Amry does not realize how much her actions look like a complete mistake.

The entire area does not have any particular credence to it. It does not feel like a space of great importance, nor does it feel like it has any particular density to it. It feels.... banal, boring, even dull. It is almost like the space like they were at their prior nearby coordinates. Just a set of poles and branches. Another snake. Nothing more. Sekri can hardly contain his enthusiasm as he perceives the landscape ahead of him. “...great.”, he says, stretching his intonation. “maybe a walk could clear your gaze?”, Amry says, looking quizzically towards Sekri. It's best to just let him play out his temper tantrums when he gets like this. “...do you know what i want to do right now?“ “...no? Σ8|“ “i want to lie down and rest until i decay.”, Sekri says as his joints begin to slouch. “i think that is even better reason to not do that, if i am being clear“ “i appreciate your input. i will be sure to take it up with the arbiter during our impending incredibly short hearing“ “sekri... if we do not look, we will not find anything >_<“ “and what if we do? what if we do. what if we find something? have you thought that far ahead? we do not have any reason to believe that appeasement is a viable strategy, especially given that they can just take the concept we find from right under us.”, Sekri says, throwing his appendages in the air, speaking through tears. “you have placed me onto a quest that will end in nothing but my decay!“ “you are thinking in absolutes again, tragicality”, Amry says, trying to avoid the topic. “besides, if we do not do anything, thoughts of leverage do not help us!! what are we to leverage?“ “urgh. just. lead the way.“ “...okay“ The two of them proceed past the vessel's entrance into the sterile darkness of the snake ahead. There are various blockades that appear to indicate the development of new lands, but they are not particularly obstructive, given that there is nobody present to enforce them. Within them, there is a quadrilateral present with lots of lush greens. Sekri perks up slightly, noting a building across the area. It is full of transparencies, as well as something that seems to be somewhat dense; certainly nothing that would work for Amry's intended purposes of appeasement, but something nonetheless. Not Overload-class, like the nearly infinitely spreadable meme that Amry embodies, but at least Heighten-class. It was memetic, but it did not fly above its genesis. Well, whatever it was, it was going to be useful in tracking something down. Maybe Sekri could trace the Concept up the chain to something big. Maybe something else important would happen. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Amry, however, evidently does not give a shit. She finds a rock on the ground and bats it around. “what is this???“ Sekri tries to hide his emotions, emitting the following words with a stifled groan. “...that is a rock, amry. we have rocks.“ “but what if it is an interesting alien rock? what if it hides some greater secret?“ It isn't. “it doesn't.“ “how can you be sure?“ “i can not, but i think we have better uses of our time than doing nothing but messing around with the smallest things we can find.”, Sekri says. “something was moving or shaking around here, do you even know what it was?“ “no? if i did why would i bother coming over here???“ “okay.”, Sekri says. He wants to say more, but he knows that if he spends one more moment with this thought he will explode into a thousand tiny metaphorical pieces. For once, he manages to keep his cool. “well, i found a relatively dense entity to your right, if you care to look at it.“ Regardless of Amry's distaste for classical ways of gazing upon worlds, she instinctively flicks her gaze rightward, and sees something that, given its chemical composition, should not really mean anything to anyone.

But it does. Given its exterior, the entity in question seems to be mostly made of copper, though its use is obscured and not easily seen. Furthermore, a transparency obscures it, making it difficult to see the entity in its full form. “what do you think it is?”, Sekri says. “that is a rock, sekri. we have rocks Σ8}”, Amry replies, putting her paw on her chin as if to indicate a chuckle. “...ugh. whatever. we can go around and look closer, if you would like.“ “no need!”, Amry replies. As if it was entirely natural to her, Amry runs backwards, revs up, and crashes directly into the transparency as if it was completely useless. Immediately, various shards begin to coalesce on the ground below, which would be a significant hazard if any land-bound entities were unaware of their presence. It's a good thing that none of those are here, because the clean-up crew wouldn't be happy, and replacing it would likely take a frustrating amount of time. The sound of crashing makes Sekri flinch, and his form briefly tenses up, before instead shifting to cold pragmatism. “...do you really think that was the absolute best course of action? out of all of them? you have left hazardous shards everywhere!“ “yes, and? it does not appear that anyone is here to be hurt!!!“ “...me.“ “oh. right”, Amry replies, as Sekri steps over the mine-field of shards on the ground to see the room's interior. The area is barren, as if for nothing but display of the entity in question. Immediately, both Amry and Sekri believe that the very fact that this entity is being displayed in an open area means something about its density; at the very least, the environment suggests some kind of propensity for visiting the entity in question. This alone would likely mean that the entity is dense, but the sheer attractive force that the two of them feel for it means that it is more dense than they might imagine. Amry walks around the perimeter of the entity. Its base has a circular structure, upholding the larger mass above it. It is affixed to a wooden block that upholds its heavy weight. Towards its bottom, there is a dangling oblong protrusion that appears to swing to and fro, if one was to poke at it. Perhaps most striking, though, is the presence of a foreign alphabet that she has seen before on its surface. For whatever reason, the vantage point from which she is looking at it seems to obstruct the view of this alphabet. But words do remain on its surface. “Philada”. She doesn't know what that means, or what the letters are. What she does know, though, is that the copper of the entity appears to be severely damaged, as if it snapped long ago. There is a long, jagged crevice along the outside of it that appears to be polished — it must have been damaged for a long time, enough so that those who cared for it began to admire the damage as part of its unique charm. “what do you think it does?”, she says. She flicks at the aforementioned protrusion towards the center of the copper ring. It swings back and forth from her pawing, almost hypnotically. “...it does appear to be especially dense.thwip.i do not care about density in this moment!! what i want to know is function, if this is something that we have not utilized, something transformativethwip.it is a block of mostly copper, we have copper. we found copper in the-thwip.in the you“ “not in the me, i am organic, ahaha!!! mrow”, Amry taunts. The copper rod swings back and forth, back and forth. “...yes. okay. well, i do not think that it will be especially usefulthwip. ...Can she please stop that? “presupposing that density is useful, it must be dense for a reason, yes?thwip.density is not use, it is density, it is importance.thwip. Amry. Amry this isn't a good idea. “then it must be important for a reason!!!”, Amry protests. She is batting with both paws by now, flailing wildly as if the copper is an enemy assailant. Please stop? “we have known many foreign bodies to be highly irrational and not truly find usage out of the objects they find dense. density is not use, it is value.thwip. Please? “then we must figure out what made it so dense! i want to understand those who were here...thwip. Sekri crouches down to gaze directly at Amry. “no, we want to understand what is of use that people here made. it is not our purpose to discover their meanings, and we are especially not eschatologists.thwip. Fine! See if anyone cares. They're all gone. Go ahead. “how much of this is because you are depressed? @_@thwip.i am not depressed!!!! i am reacting adequately to the nightmarish circumstances for which we are in, and—thwip. DING! She... oh good lord. She fucks it? She fucked it. Amry's flicking causes a loud noise as the copper dislodges itself from its wooden prison, splitting itself in two alongside the crevice along its surface. She dashes away from underneath the copper just before it comes crashing down with a resounding thud, landing on the transparent shards and causing them to further segment. The shock makes her fur stand clean up on her back, as she briefly considers the ramifications of cause and effect. One of the shards hits a square platform on the ground before bouncing upwards; material behavior that would indicate rubber, instead of copper. It smashes through yet another panel of transparency next to the one that Amry already catastrophically destroyed, resulting in some sort of x2 combob of utter building destruction. Sekri, standing behind this panel, ducks rapidly, and the rapidly moving copper nearly gives his blue fur a clean trim. The density, the potential saving grace, wasted. The last strand, cut. The whole separated into parts of no use at all. Sekri stares at the shattered copper. He tries to let his pieces of thoughts cohere into larger ideas, but he can't seem to get anything to come out at all. He tries to weigh his options, but they aren't options, he doesn't have an option, he's stuck here in this pit that he dug for himself — that she dug for him — that society dug for him. Even the remaining flora of this foreign body remember what a response like this seems to mean. Only they seem to know. A massive amount of density is lost, as context is removed and split. He seizes up, curls into a ball, and we cannot see through him. “...sekri?”, Amry says. It's impressive as to how little effect it seems to have. The limbs and appendages of his body begin to curl up into each other. They shake and shiver like reeds in the wind, tensing and convulsing on instinct. Amry curls up within the recesses of some of the split copper. The bumpy texture, away from the jagged, shattered edges, feels nice on her paws. Some time passes with no response. She tries to poke at the semi-catatonic Sekri, but her short, feline paws don't have much of an effect. She realizes, then, that there's a much easier way of snapping someone out of it. She takes out her claws, rubs them against the copper, and then runs through Sekri's fur with a thwip. He reacts instinctively, grabbing her paw and nearly throwing her by it, but stops before it can cause any severe damage. “...sorry.“ “no, it makes sense!! i was the one who broke it“ “mm.”, Sekri says, without realizing that's not a word. “we can find something else, it is not that big of a problem“ “that appears to be almost all of what you say, if i am being frank. no, honestly, i am being frank!! it is all you say!! it is like you are operating on loop sometimes“ “Σ8? i do not know what you are talking about...“ “it is not that complicated. whenever i raise a concern, and i appear to be nothing but a barrel of concerns lately, you minimize it. it happens over, and over, and over. it is as if what governs us is using us as characters. i feel like i am going to lose my sanity, i feel like i am the only one that can see it“ Of course, Sekri isn't in a narrative, but he's having trouble with that again. It wouldn't be the first time. Those types of delusions aren't fun. “you are not, though! i appreciate your perspective, i promise, otherwise i would not bother to hear it Σ8/“ “can i ask you a very strange and possibly alarming question?“ Amry's eyes narrow, but only on instinct. Her body language is unfamiliar to her. “alright“ “why are we friends? why are you friends with me, after barely contributing nothing but concern and doom? why am i friends with you, after all you have done here to undermine our safety?“ “i—“ “all you seem to do is burn and burn until there is nothing left! the only thing you seem to care about is vague curiosity, as if you have preemptively embodied your form. it is somewhat refreshing to have another perspective but i wish it would be less destructive!“ “for one—“ “not just destructive! you have ruined me! you have ruined us!“ “did you forget that i was sent here to decay?“ He ignores that. “...how did we meet?????“ Amry's eyes open back up. Still unnatural. Her visage seems to ooze genuine concern. It's a question that she should be prepared to answer, something incredibly simple. Factual recollection. “...i can not remember, in the moment“ “is that not strange to you? is it not strange that such simple things seem to elude us“ Amry flips onto her back. Traditionally, felines hate this, but she isn't one. Not really. “...we are all we have for each other, are we not? perhaps it was just proximity, as dark as that is to say!!“ “what do you mean?”, he says. He begins to lose some of the tension stored in his form. “i know we exist among many, but we can not really... meet new friends or cousins, can we? it has always been the same us, on and on. you have said that you feel that others do not like you—“ “i never said that.“ “—it was implied, then. but perhaps we are together, on this planet, because we are the best friends available for each other. among many, without variety, without genesis, sometimes one has to... settle, i suppose. and i do care about you, deeply. not regardless, but i just do“ “so am i just a convenience to you? is that it?“ “no... well. no“ “would we be friends if we were anyone but ourselves?“ The words ring in Amry's skull again, despite it taking a different shape than the last ringing. Each tick she can recall seems to reverberate in her. It feels like the sound of smashing a guitar against a metal floor. It feels like cutting her flesh open with nails. “i can not be anyone but myself Σ8{“ “then i wish you were less... that, sometimes“ “i will try my best”, she says. Best to resign out of convenience, she thinks. She's got a world to comb through, and she really needs Sekri's help, regardless of how she feels. If they're going down, they have to go down together. “i really do care about you. i do not know if we would be close if we were elsewhere, but i think it is a useless experiment...“ “...i appreciate it. i just... i am just frustrated, i apologize“ “you are my best friend that i have now. i am glad we are here together ^_^“ He says the words before he has time to parse their meaning. “me too.


 
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from aerkiaga's blog

I would like to use this week's post to write a review of the Charachorder Two, the new input device I received last week. I have done many other things besides trying it out and practicing on it, but I believe this will be of greater interest for anyone.

The Device

In case you haven't read my previous post, the CC2 is an ergonomic, programmable, hybrid chorded and non-chorded keyboard. By “ergonomic”, I mean it has a unique shape, with two halves that can be split apart or bolted on supports and that fit nicely under the hands; each one has nine joystick-like 3D switches that can be pressed in different ways with little force.

By “programmable”, I mean it has an apparently custom-made chip running CCOS, a firmware that allows everything to be customized, from timings and layouts to chords (more on that later). To do so, you use a Chromium-compatible web interface, but many settings can be changed using just the device, with a specialized interface that can be shown on anything that accepts keystrokes.

Then, I feel I need to explain the whole chording matter. A chorded keyboard is one on which you type by pressing multiple keys simultaneously. They are used in contexts like court transcription, which need very high typing speeds. The CC2 is that, but also not: if you move a switch in some direction, a plain old character appears; if you move more than one at the same time (and you have programmed that chord before), an entire word or phrase is sent to the computer. You can also program other actions as chord outputs, and chords can be combined in some really cool ways.

At the end of the day, your computer only sees a regular keyboard, which sends scancodes through a USB port. Remember this.

Physical description

Lighter than I expected, with a matte plastic finish. Comes with an elegant travel case included. I didn't attempt to separate the two halves (which are joined by default with an aluminium bar). Small rubber pads keep the device from sliding over the table, and there are screw holes so one can bolt the halves on e.g. the armrest of a chair.

The keycaps themselves seem 3D printed, not with a great quality though. At least they send 3 spare ones in case you lose/break the existing ones. The switches themselves work really smoothly, although I would have loved some more clickiness.

Character Entry

Easier to learn than I expected. They provide a web interface to learn the device, which I used for a few minutes a day and got to about 20 WPM in a week. The default layout is pretty good, it allows for some common letter combinations to be typed especially fast.

I was slightly worried that I would encounter problems to type using the Spanish layout, but turns out it works out quite nicely. Just a slight modification to the base layout to be able to type <, > and }, and ready to go! Common characters like ñ or ´ are well-placed by default.

Typing regular prose is physically pretty comfortable. I have tried it for programming without much success; in my experience, a regular QUERTY keyboard with Vim is enough, but it may be the case that once I get faster on the CC2 I'll be able to get more out of it...

Chorded Entry

Here I did find some issues related to my keyboard layout. First of all, the Device Manager and documentation overall don't do much hand-holding if you're outside the US layout. If anything, the Device Manager makes it even more confusing, by translating some stuff to your current layout while leaving other unchanged. You also need to be really careful about the codes you use to prevent garbled output, and dead keys aren't very well supported yet on chords.

I created my own chord library, by adding words both in order of frequency and using a weighting algorithm in a script I wrote so I could prioritize words that'll help me in my job. For example, I can easily type the word “paciente” (patient) by pinching two fingers to p and t. I've also added chords for actions like deleting the last word or switching on Caps Lock.

The default timing settings for chords make it really difficult to learn at first, so I had to increase them a bit.

Overall

I'd give this device 5 stars for what it has managed to accomplish and how easy it makes to type fast (even on a different layout), but I must warn that it lacks some much-needed polish. I expect the documentation and firmware to improve over time though.

 
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from aerkiaga's blog

I'm admittedly a big keyboard fan. I currently use a nice mechanical keyboard I had custom-built long ago; I don't game at all, but I do type a lot, and that's just at home. Just imagine how many lines of medical records a psychiatrist has to type every single day...

I can touch-type on QWERTY at about 55 WPM, which is about the average typing speed for a physician. I can also touch-type on Dvorak (not any faster though), which can be a small help to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome in the long term; a colleague of mine intends to use that alternative layout at work for this very reason.

I have something different in mind. This week I received my order of a CharaChorder Two, an input device that could be described as an ergonomic, programmable, hybrid chorded and non-chorded keyboard. It could also be described as the mother of all input device learning curves, with people reportedly reaching 300, even 500 WPM after over a year of training; at those speeds, I could easily shave off precious minutes and annoying interruptions every time I see a patient, allowing me to focus on my job and my patients, and avoiding delays. An investment in time that I'm confident in recovering soon.


On a different note, I'm already pre-inscribed for a Master's Degree in Biomedical Engineering, as well as steadily studying for a driver's license and doing daily language lessons on Duolingo (I'm learning French at the moment).

 
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